Staring at the Blank

Read: Matthew 10

"and Matthew the tax collector..." Matthew 10:3

Examine:

Matthew wrote this gospel. The other gospel writers did not refer to him as Matthew the tax collector when they listed him among the disciples. Being known as a tax collector was not a good thing in that day. My best comparison is being compared to owning a cash for title or payroll check cashing business.

My sense is that Matthew was not being self-condemning in referring to himself as this. I would imagine that Matthew never allowed himself to stop being amazed at how marvelous the grace of God had been in his life. Jesus carried him from being an unethical tax collector who robbed people, to a disciple of the Messiah who brought life to people, to one of only four men chosen to be anointed by the Holy Spirit in recording the story of Jesus. Matthew had to be blown away by this.

Apply:

Jason the _________. I stare at that blank and there are mental images I see from my past. There are stories that I can not undo, choices I can not take back, and a history that has been written. There are things in that blank that fully serve as all the evidence needed to eliminate me from servicing God.

I stare at that blank and I also see my current weaknesses. There are hurts, habits, and hang-ups that still fight against the work of God in my life. These things attach themselves to fears and weaknesses and create inside of me painful reminders of just how messed up I still am.

But, my opinion of the blank really does not matter. God looks at it and sees Jason, son of mine, adopted through Christ, cleansed of failure and set aside for My good purpose. Amazing. Simply amazing.

Pray:

There is nothing to say. I am literally speechless. Your grace in my life staggers me. The fact that I get to join You in the things You have set aside for me to do is humbling beyond expression. I feel like saying thank you but I know that You see and sense my gratitude. Instead of thank you, I feel like I should just say, "yes."

I need to say yes to Your grace and forget about my past. I need to say yes to who I am in Christ and move past my broken self-perceptions. I need to say yes to Your calling and step away from my comforts. I need to say yes, pick up my cross, and get after Your leading in my life. So that is what I say to You this morning. Yes Father, yes, yes, yes....have my life as You will it to be.