Ugly but True

Read: James 4
“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:8

Examine:
This passage of scripture can quite honestly cause confusion. Draw near to God, and He will draw near. This is a promise. Confusion sets in because often times the attempts we make at drawing near to God come up vain. James addresses that in this passage. Drawing near to God is more than approaching Him and asking Him to set things right.

Apply:
“Your passions are at war within you. You ask wrongly. You boast in your arrogance. Submit to God. Humble yourself. Do not speak evil against others.”

I look at these sentences and I can hardly stand the reflection I see in the mirror that they create for me. I want to be near to God, but I do not necessarily want to walk through the depths of change these words from James demand of me. There are passions I am not ready to release. There are motives for asking that I do not want to lose. There are aspects of success that I want to achieve on my own. Humility still feels like weakness and self-depreciation to me. My anger burns hot against some, and I want vindication more than I desire release.

Pray:
These statements about me are ugly, but true. I look at them and keep repeating them to myself. As I do this, I examine the thoughts I have and the actions I have taken, and I can see examples of them in my life that serve as positive proof of my guilt. Father, I am a sinful man. I do not have because You cannot yet trust me. You hold back not as a means of punishment, but as Your way of protecting me from myself. All I can do is say thank You.

Even as I sit here this morning under the weight of this conviction, I am still afraid to release these to You fully. It is really a mess to be a man full of so much stubborn pride. All that I know to do is admit to You my sin and my inability to overcome it on my own. I see my sin clearly, and I confess to You both my guilt and my stubborn heart that seems to refuse repentance. I would rather be honest with You than pretend I am something I am not in hopes of gaining something from You.

Help me help my ridiculous self. I do mourn and weep today over the hardness of my heart. My soul is truly in anguish over my obstinate will. Though I do not know how to really humble myself before You that is what I am attempting to do this morning. Speak clearly to me Father. Lead me on a better path. Help me find and lock on to the work that You are doing in my life and pursue You as my one, all consuming passion.