Owning Consequences

Read: Nehemiah 8
“However, You are just in all that has come upon us; for You have dealt faithfully, but we have done wickedly;” Nehemiah 8:33

Examine:
In this chapter the people recount the graciousness of God and their overall attitude of unfaithfulness to Him. In the end, they acknowledged that they deserved the consequences that had been handed to them.

Apply:
Taking ownership of the consequences of my actions is hard. There is a voice inside of me that feels entitled to something better. There is an attitude buried in my heart that feels like God is falling down on His job and He has let me down. That side of me makes it hard to look up at God and say, “You are faithful but I have done wicked.”

Pray:
There are some tensions in my life right now that just will not relent. Relationships can be without a doubt some of the most challenging things in life to manage. There are some very strained relationships in my life right now and they are quite literally sucking the life out of me. Looking back I see my contributions to the strain. I see the times that I ignored Your instructions and did things my own way and as I look in my heart I recognize the attitudes that are wrong but I stubbornly refuse to release them. I do not want to serve, I do not want to forgive, and I do not want to forget. I want vengeance for my pain. As ugly as that may be it is the truth about what is in my heart. These tensions have hugely affected my relationship with You. I am frustrated that You will not set things right. I am holding anger in my heart towards You because of this. I feel like You want me to repent and let go but my pride keeps screaming out wondering why the other side gets away with it.

So, here we go. I am not sure that I can do this and mean it but I commit to You that I will keep trying until I do. The pain I feel today has nothing to do with how I am treated by others. The pain I feel is the discipline that comes with refusing You. I have to release others and love freely. That is how You treat me and it is what You demand in return. In these relationships I did not live clean. I let things build up. I swept things under the rug for far to long and covered hurts that should have been expressed. That is my fault. That is my sin. I failed to be faithful to the convictions I had and I can only blame myself. I am sorry that I blame You when I clearly turned my back on what You have told me to do. I also have held on to hurts and there is nothing in Your Word that allows for that. Therefore, I am in sin.

I do not want to be so easily offended anymore and I certainly do not want to carry forward hurts. I submit to You today. Teach me to live clean in my relationships and please repair the damage my own bitterness has done to my heart.