Preparation for Battle

Scripture:

"But this kind does not go out except by prayer and fasting" Matthew 17: 13

Observation:

There is a lot taking place in this chapter. So much so that it is hard to key in on just one verse. To me, the entire chapter is summed up in the verse listed above. Jesus was leading the disciples to some places of deeper understanding. The message that He delivers to them at the end is this, it is always the work done in preparation that determines the outcome.

Application:

It seems like the world is getting harder and harder for me to keep up with. I am a procrastinator by nature and this makes keeping up really difficult. It seems as though everything in my life fights against me being prepared. I have to live with a great sense of intentionality at all times or things can get really messy for me. One bad day and it seems like everything can come unraveled.

I would guess that it was the same way for the disciples. I really am keying in on Peter, John, and James in this morning. Jesus starts off in this chapter by taking the three of them with Him on the mountain to pray. This is the first aspect of preparation God is revealing to me this morning. I have to get out of my routine and let God lead me to a place where I can be isolated from everything else. In addition to that, I feel like God is saying that this is not meant to be done alone. He did not pick one. He did not pick all twelve either. He chose three. There is some power in two or three getting together and following God into a deeper place.

While they are on the mountain praying with Jesus, He is transformed before them, Moses and Elijah show up, and God speaks to them. I do not understand all of this, but it is safe to say that the three of them saw Jesus in a new way. They found a deeper depth of understanding of who He was. This is the second aspect of preparation I sense from God this morning. The knowledge I have of God and Jesus today is not sufficient to carry me through tomorrow. I need to grow. I need to see more of Him. I need to seek to truly see His glory. I also need someone else there with me. The power of the experience is strengthened by having someone there to share it with me.

As they are coming down the mountain, the three ask Him a question. The question reveals a doubt that they had. Not just a little doubt, but a major question they had about who He was. They all three had the same question, but none had asked it before. There was something about becoming more intimate with Jesus that gave the freedom to ask deeper questions. This is the third aspect of preparation I am hearing from God this morning. What are the questions I have? What are the doubts? I need to address; not just by myself, but with others. There is something reassuring when another brother has the same doubts or questions. I need to learn to be open about those with both God and those closest to me. The only way to arrive at this point is by drawing closer to God.

Once they get down from the mount they encounter a man's son and a demon the disciples can't cast out. It is stronger than they are. Ultimately the man comes to Jesus. Jesus rebukes His disciples and casts out the demon. This is the forth aspect of preparation I sense from God this morning. I will face things that are bigger than me. I will face things that get the best of me. I might as well prepare myself for that now. That is the power of the verse above. Jesus does not tell them they will never be any better. He tells them to pray and fast. In essence, He is inviting them to grow stronger and be ready next time.

Prayer:

I just want to confess to you this morning that there is so much I don't understand. At times, things just seem so complicated. I get caught surprised more often than I find myself prepared. One thing has become clear to me this morning; I have to be prepared. In the moment of testing, the only strength I have to rely on is the depth of my relationship with you. I want to live my life in a way that deepens our relationship in the quiet time so that I will be ready in the moments of struggle. I pray this morning that You will guide me as I seek You in the things that You have placed on my heart.

Signs, Signs...

Scripture:

"When it is evening, you say, It will be fair weather, for the sky is red. And in the morning, there will be a storm today, for the sky is red and threatening. Do you know how to discern the appearance of the sky, but cannot discern the signs of the times?" Matthew 14: 2-3

Observation:

Life is often lived interpreting signs. We look to the skies for an indication of the weather. We look at market reports as an indication of the state of the economy. We look at the emotions of our spouses to determine their mood. In almost every aspect of life we look around for signs that indicate where things are heading and what we should do in response. Can our spiritual lives be the same way?

Application:

I am really good at picking up on certain signs. With Brandy, there are certain looks that indicate her mood. I know them when I see them and I adjust accordingly. With each of my kids, there are certain behaviors that indicate what they really need from me. I adjust how I deal with them based on these signs. When I leave the church on Sunday mornings, I look at the traffic as a sign to tell me which exit I need to take. I rarely ever go through a day that I don't check my environment for signs and make adjustments based on what I am sensing. I am actually really good at doing this.

But where I excel at this in the natural world, I often struggle with it in the spiritual world. Now, I am not talking about looking for signs that prove I should believe in Jesus. Seeking those signs is rarely a healthy thing. It would be the equivalent of looking for my wife to prove her love for me. There is just no way to ask for that without being insulting to someone I am supposed to love. But I should seek signs as to what God is up to in my life. Where is He moving? Where is He working? What is He asking me to join Him in? I believe that those signs are everywhere. I get so occupied with the world that I see, I forget that there is an unseen world at work around me. I need to learn to tune in to these things and adjust my day according to what I see.

Prayer:

I believe that You are a God who moves and works in the lives of people. I believe that You never relent from Your desire to draw people unto Yourself. I believe that You constantly extend to me an invitation to join You in this work. I need to become better at seeing these signs. Most of the time I blow right by them. Slow me down and teach me to be aware of what You are doing. I do not want to be like the Pharisees in this verse. I do not want to be so caught up in being religious that I miss out on Your work. I do not want to get so wrapped up in my agenda that I lose sight of Yours. Psalm 139 says that you are intimately acquainted with all my ways. Teach me to be the same with Yours.

The Power of Humility

Scripture: "And a Canaanite woman from that region came out and began to cry out saying, "Have mercy on me Son of David, my daughter is cruelly demon-possessed." But he did not answer her a word." Matthew 15: 22-23

Observation: There are times in life when silence is the most powerful sound that you will ever hear. This women was tormented over what was taking place in the life of her daughter. She ran to Jesus and cried out for help. He said not a word.

Application: There is nothing that I hate more than what I feel after I pour my heart out to God and nothing happens. It is awful. I feel angry. Hurt. Let down. In a brief moment of disappointment, confusion sets in and eventually ushers in doubt. Not just doubt about whether God will answer prayers, but doubts about the very existence of God. There have been many times that I have attempted to abandon my beliefs and walk away from it all, but I never get very far. It reminds me of being a kid. I remember the many times I packed my bags and tried to runaway over something my mom or dad did that I did not agree with. I did not get very far away from home then and I have never really gotten that far from God either.

I have been down that road many times. I have felt many disappointments and consequently I have dealt with many doubts. I have wrestled with why things are the way they are and attempted to understand the reasons for things. Through it all I have learned that none of it makes any sense to me now and it more than likely never will. God follows a logic that is beyond my own. His ways are higher. His wisdom different. That really frustrates me.

In reading this woman's story, I see a few things for me to remember when I am seeking God through a difficult circumstance. First, know who I am addressing. She referred to Him as the Son of David. She knew Him to be the Son of God. She understood that He had the power and that it was at His discretion to use it. Second, she persisted. There was a fervency to her prayers. Even in the silence, she persisted. She persisted to the point that even the disciples had enough. I find it funny that they were "imploring" Jesus to send her away because she was shouting so much. Third, she stayed humble. When Jesus finally responded to her, He did not say what she expected. He reminded her of who He came to serve and that she was not one of them. But she did not react. She responded by humbly bowing down before Him and calling on God's good nature. Finally, it was her faith saved her daughter. So great was her faith that she captured the attention of Jesus. I think that Jesus knew in the beginning that He was going to heal her daughter. He put her through a little torture, not to be mean. Not to test her. But to prove her faith. Not to Him, but to herself. If he had just said yes, she would have never known the full extent of her faith.

Prayer:

I hate to hear silence. As much as I hate silence, I detest hearing a answer that I do not like. Staying humble is hard. I need Your help. I am tired of packing my bags and trying to escape. Remind me of just how great a God You are. Teach me to understand every fiber of Your being and to fully comprehend just how great is Your power. Teach me to be persistent in my prayers. I am tempted to give up so easy. Give me the strength and courage to stay engaged until I have captured Your attention over a matter. Keep me humble. I have no rights. I often approach You as though I do, but the reality is that You owe me nothing. Your promises to me have nothing to do with me, and have everything to do with Your name. Deepen my faith. As I go through confusing and testing times, remind me of just how much you have done for me. Remind me of just how much I have grown. In all things, I want to continue to walk through this life with You. I want to pursue You with all that I have and seek You above all that I chase. As I do, I fully trust that You will respond and move in my life.

Don't Miss It

Scripture:

"Now when Jesus heard about John, He withdrew from there in a boat to a secluded place by Himself and when the people heard of this, they followed Him on foot from the cities. When he went ashore he saw a large crowd and felt compassion for them and healed their sick." Matthew 14: 13-14

Observation:

Jesus never lead from His emotions. He used His emotions and responded to situations using His emotions, but He never allowed Himself to be ruled by them. In this passage He is tired. He is distraught. He is seeking a quiet place. But the crowds have followed Him. As He looks upon them, His emotions give way to His heart for the people. Instead of being frustrated with the them; He felt compassion.

Application:

The life of Jesus is amazing. Many times I read His stories and it is very easy to lock into the great miracles that He performed. But to me, the greatest miracle of all is how Christ managed His emotions. I really stink at that. They get the best of me. At times, I feel like they drag me around and I am totally helpless at resisting them.

If I put myself in this story, I send the people away. I do. There is no way that compassion for them would have been able to overcome the neediness of my soul or the strong arm of my emotions; I would have just gone away. I could have justified it. I could have created an airtight case that fully supported my reasons for not dealing with the crowd. But I would have missed out on one of the greatest miracles of all time.

Prayer:

I am self-centered, self-focused, and self-serving. So much of my time and energy goes into assessing my problems and then attempting to patch and mend my soul and emotions that I often find myself tired and weary. All my energy has been taken away. I have nothing left for anyone because I spent it all on myself.

You are not my deliverer, I am. You are not my strength, I am my own strength. I do not depend on You to rescue me, I save myself. This is my sin and I need Your help in overcoming it. I desire today to seek You first in all things. To run to You as my ultimate deliverer.

My life is fleeting and I have seen many years pass me by. That said, I have many years left to go. Teach me to number my days and live each one with a sense or urgency and purpose.

The Death of Me

Scripture:

"My soul thirsts for You, my flesh yearns for You, In a dry and weary land where there is no water. Thus I have seen You in the sanctuary; To see Your power and your glory. Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips will praise You." Psalm 63:1-4

Observation:

David's walk with God was amazing. His relationship with God was real. It was more than real; it was life to Him. It was not something he did; it was something that he was.

So where does one go to experience God like this? What changes take place in a person’s heart to enter into this realm of existence with God? There are countless books available that promise to deliver it in 7 easy steps, but what a load of crap they are. Nothing about following God is easy. In fact, nothing can be more difficult.

Application:

I have to die to myself and surrender my life to God’s call and purpose. As I sit here this morning, that is the thing about David I see the most. Regardless of his circumstances, he drew near to God. For me, surrender is only found at the end myself. I have to reach a point of inescapable pain and torment before I truly learn to follow God. Then, and only then, can I see my dependency on God. Giving up control can seem like the craziest thing for me to do, but it is also the best thing I can do. This process is much more than saying “let go and let God.” It is truly stepping into something being empty of myself to the point that my only hope is that God will show up and act on my behalf.

When those moments happen, I experience something that can’t be found in 100 books on Christian living. I find the sense of awe and amazement that often seems to be missing from my life. These encounters with God create inside of me the energy and confidence I need to take God into other aspects of my life and begin to give Him control of those areas.

God is in no hurry. His patience is long. But I have to remember this; while God has no beginning or end, I do. One day my life will end, my time will expire and the balance of my eternity will be set. I must live life with a holy sense of urgency towards searching after God. I must demand more from my experience with God than I am getting today and pursue it with everything that I have. Until I seek Him with passion, persistence, and purity of heart I will be perpetually stuck walking the same path that I am on today. God will never be any closer.

Prayer:

Something inside of me comes to life in a different way when I am connected with You and walking in relationship with You. That said, I can't honestly say that I know with certainty that You are my greatest desire. In fact there is plenty of evidence that You are not. It is easy to allow this to make me feel guilty, but I resist that this morning. Guilt does not come from You. While I am not where I need to be, I am much further along in my journey than I ever have been before. I am grateful for that and I also know that I will never be all that I need to be while I remain on this side of heaven. Instead of guilt, I feel great joy this morning knowing that you accept me just the way I am.

My soul longs to know You in a deeper way. Keep growing me. Keep molding me. There is a song I often sing that says "Strip away all that remains, For Your glory and Your name, 'Til there's nothing left of me. Burn the kingdoms I have made, 'Til there's nothing left of me…" That is my prayer this morning.

Edge of My Faith

Scripture:

"His disciples followed Him. And behold, there arose a great storm on the sea, so that the boat was being covered with the waves; but Jesus Himself was asleep. And they came to Him and woke Him saying, "Save us, Lord; we are perishing!" Matthew 8:23

Observation:

In the verses prior to this, the disciples are warned that by following Christ they were agreeing to give up a few things. Through the young scribe in verse 19 He taught them that they would have no place of rest and safety. Through the disciple in verse 22 He taught them that they would be forsaking their family. In spite of both these warnings, they got in the boat and followed after Him.

I can understand how the disciples must have felt. In a moment of choice, they listened to the warnings of Jesus and yet they still got into the boat with Him. They had to have been excited and on a high. The were expecting something great. Then the storm strikes...

Application:

I have certain expectations about the natural order of things. They are ingrained in my being and are more like automatic instincts that just kick in more than they are conscious decisions that I make. For instance, when I make good choices I expect good outcomes. Most of the time the good choice is a difficult one and so there is pain associated with it. I want something for my pain. A reward of sorts.

But what do I do in moments of life when my hard choices are rewarded with harder circumstances? What do I do when the right thing leads me to a place that asks even more of me? There have been many times in my life where I have found myself following God right into a storm of trouble. During those times, just like the disciples here, it is easy to feel like God is asleep on the wheel. In those moments, emotions run high and I often lose control of my senses and cry out to God, not in faith and hope but out of fear, frustration, and anger. They are not my best moments. They are not my purest of prayers. Be that as it may, I think that God honors that.

I have to think of it this way, at least I am in the boat and pushing my faith to its limits. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is the way things work. There is no way to grow until I have pushed myself to the limits of what I can handle. I do not learn and grow when I am sitting in ideal circumstances. Fake faith can take over in those places and I can live in a pretend little world with all my false beliefs. But when the storms of life hit, my true beliefs are revealed. The fake Jason gives way to the real Jason. I have learned to treasure these moments as God uses them to strengthen my faith.

Prayer:

My greatest desire this morning is for my heart to be made steadfast in You. I want that more than anything. I am in the middle of things that are larger than I am. I am tempted to feel like I have been abandoned. I am tempted to feel like a failure. It would be so easy to give way to these temptations and feel like I have been short changed by You. These temptations wear away at my soul and I feel them weakening my defenses. Be gracious to me. I seek You this morning as my refuge. I seek You this morning as my deliverance. Keep me at perfect peace as the destruction passes me by. Reveal to me the areas of my faith that need to be further developed. Awake in my soul a desire to sing.

Looking Past Worry

Scripture:

"For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life…for your Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:25; 32-33.

Observation:

My Bible labels this paragraph "the cure for anxiety". I have read it many times, but I always seem to read it separate from the first part of chapter 6. Tonight, as I read it, I connected it with the first part of the chapter and I am seeing things a little differently.

Application:

I have quoted this verse. I have written it on notes and stuck them around my house, car and office. I have claimed these verses in prayer. Yet, I still worried about what was happening in my life. Why is that? What is it about letting go that is so hard?

There is nothing worse than worry other than to read a verse like this and end up being worried about being worried. Tonight, I feel like God is saying something more to me. I feel like He is pointing me in a little different direction. It is more than just sitting back and doing nothing. Worry is not normally the problem, it is a symptom. I think I often work on not worrying and in doing so I miss the real issue. This is the equivalent of taking Tylenol for a broken arm but not going to the doctor.

In verses 1-24 Jesus unpacks 6 things for me to consider that could possibly be causing my anxiety. First, he tells me to check my motives. People watch everything that I do. It is so easy to become aware of this. As that happens, my life becomes nothing more than a show. I must strive to seek God with little regard for who notices. If my motives are fake, the best my relationship with God can be is fake. Second, I need to check my generosity. It is amazing what happens in my life when I try to hoard things. It is impossible to have a pure walk with God that does not result in a life of giving. The pressures of life lead me to think I should store up for myself, but the God of this life tells me to take care of those in need. Third, I need to check my prayer life. Prayer is my connection with God. It is my means of communicating with Him. If I try to use it to manipulate God or others it is rendered useless and I lose my connection with God. Without that connection, my soul dries up. Fourth, I need to check for un-forgiveness. I can't receive God's forgiveness while I am harboring things towards others. It just does not work that way. Bitterness will continue to rot away at me on the inside until it ultimately brings me down. Fifth, I need to fast. This is not one of my favorite things to do, but there are some really good things that result from fasting. It reveals to me just how fragile I am. I teaches me that I can control my body. And while fasting, my stomach constantly reminds me that I need to pray. Finally, he tells me to check my goals. This is not my home. Earth is only temporary and everything that is here will pass away. I have a habit of only thinking of heaven when I think of death. I don’t like to think of death, so that makes it difficult to think of heaven. But heaven is not something that becomes real only in death. It is real now. Everything I do on earth has an impact on what takes place in heaven. That is the ultimate prize. It should be all that I think about.

Prayer:

I must make a confession tonight. Actually, there are a couple of things that I need to confess. First, I do not trust You. I say that I do. I think that I do. But I feel a deep conviction inside of me that I am afraid to abandon all my concern for my well being and for the well being of my family. That is nothing more than distrust from me towards You and I want to be clean of that. There is none more worthy of my trust than You. There is no one more dependable. The second thing that I must confess to you is that I am self centered. I live in constant fear that I am going to mess things up. I fear that I will never live a life worthy of Your blessing. This is conceit on my part in that deep down I want to be good enough. I want to earn what You are trying to give me. It is the ultimate of self-centeredness.

I need to walk in a direction tonight that I can't do on my own. I need to let go of everything in my life and just focus on pursuing Your righteousness. I can’t get to where You are leading me to go on my own. I have to have Your strength and guidance. Search my heart tonight and lead me in a life that is free from anxiety. I desire nothing more than to be in a place where, like David, I can say "As for me, I shall behold Your face in righteousness; I will be satisfied with Your likeness when I wake."

Face Lift

OBSERVATION: The common definition of fear is: a distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid.

This is the ultimate curse of legalism and empty religion; it teaches people this definition of fear. It robs the world of the true beauty of God. He never casts down those who seek Him in humility and brokenness. Only the proud and haughty experience this side of God.

APPLICATION: I have been in church and around "Christians" my entire life. As a result, I carry many scars. Too many to count. At one point, the pain of the Christian life that was given to me became to great to bear and I walked away from God. I just never was able to live up to the expectations that I felt were required of me. I always felt guilty and condemned. Dirty. Useless. A failure on all counts. I remember someone once telling me that I had to clean out every sin from my life before I could approach God. Talk about a tall order?

I hate that part of my past more than anything. It robbed me of so much time with God. This verse captures what I have learned to be true of God; when I seek Him from a pure heart my face radiates. There is no shame waiting for me when I look to God. None. Not a bit. God does not slap me down when I approach him with fear (awe) and humility (pure heart). Quite the contrary. He draws near. He encamps around me. He takes my want away and I am left lacking no good thing. As long as my heart remains broken for Him, I have nothing to keep me away from him.

PRAYER: It is amazing to me just how beautiful You are and even more amazing than that is just how beautiful I feel on the inside when I enter Your presence. Of all the things I have sought pleasure in, I can honestly say that there is nothing that compares to You. There is no greater peace, no greater joy, or no greater comfort to be found anywhere other than with You.

Keep my heart broken towards You. As I go through this day keep my tongue from evil and my lips from deceit. Show me the way that leads away from evil and towards good. Reveal to me the path of peace and give me the wisdom to pursue it. All these things lead to Your presence and that is where I desire to spend my days.

It's Name is Acceptance

Scripture: "But as for me, I shall sing of Your strength; yes, I shall joyfully sing of Your loving kindness in the morning, for You have been my stronghold and a refuge in the day of my distress." Psalm 59:16

Observation: To me, this is an incredible Psalm. David was a mighty man. A man of valor. A man highly favored by God. He led armies to defeat nations. Killed bears, lions, and giants with only his hands or a sling-shot. There was much David could have done in response to adversity. In this Psalm, David lists all the things that his enemies were working against him. It is an evil list that covers everything from malicious slander to plans for murder. In light of the pressures and fears that David faced, he could have easily justified many reactions. He had the right to do a lot of things. Be that as it may, he chose to sing. He was not mad at God. He did not blame him. He sang to him.

Application: Life can just be flat out tough. On any given day, so many different things can happen. The list of potential evil seems daunting at times. There are days that by their end, I honestly feel like I did not have a chance. Days that upon reflection seem as if there were no other outcome possible other than for a sinful and disappointing result.

This has often caused me to search for solutions. I have tried everything. I have rebuked circumstances and bound them from my life. I have tried increasing my faith by believing that these things would not happen. I have fasted and prayed. I have gotten up early and stayed up late. I have called out to God with my eyes opened, eyes closed, arms up, arms down, on bended knees, or standing on top my desk. None of these attempts have resulted in anything other than me feeling like a failure and seeming like an indifferent and distant being.

This scripture reminds me of the one thing that I have found that does work. It was actually the last place I decided to look. It took me arriving at the end of myself to find it. The solution, it's name is acceptance.

Prayer: I know not what this day holds. There are so many uncertainties. So many things that are outside of my control. This morning has been a great reminder of the fact that there is only one thing that I have absolute control over; my reaction to things.

Acceptance is a hard pill to swallow. It is one that requires humility. It is one that requires surrender. The phrase David uses here to describe his surrender is really quite beautiful, "But as for me." Even looking at everything in his life, David chose to accept hardships and trust in You. He did not sing praises because of victory; he sang praises because You are worthy. You were so real in His life that he was able to draw upon Your strength to endure some really tough things. You allowed him the grace needed to lay down his rights and walk close to You in humility and obedience.

That is my desire for my life today. I honestly get embarrassed when I read back over my old journals and see things that I have prayed, believed or thought. I must have given You some really good laughs over the years as I have wrestled with growing up and maturing in Your word and Your will for my life.

In all of this You have led me to accept some things about life and You. Life is rough, but You are secure. Life is demanding, but you are forgiving. Life takes away from me, but You build me up. I am empty, but You are full. I am content with this. I choose to accept my hardships today as a small price to pay for Your greatness. Circumstances will be trying, but as for me I get to stand in Your mighty presence. There is no place I would rather be. Let my life be a song to You today.

Crucial Crossroads

Scripture: "Now Saul was afraid of David, for the LORD was with him but had departed from Saul. Therefore Saul…" 1 Samuel 18:12

Observation: Saul's downward spiral continued. In the verses before this, Saul tried to kill David but David escaped. Saul was coming to fully face the fact that God's Spirit had left him and was given to David in great measure. At this point, Saul faces a crucial crossroads in his life. He realized the circumstances. He knew the will of God. Now he had to make a choice. I can't help but wonder how things would have changed for Saul had he chosen a different path. What would have become of his life? Jealousy. Eight of the most destructive letters ever penned. That was Saul's choice and that was Saul's result.

Application: The scriptures tell us that the eyes are never full of seeing. That is so very true. My eyes. The windows of my soul. They capture images and send them to my mind which initiates a sequencing of decisions. These decisions lead to outcomes in my life. Normally all this happens subconsciously, but on occasion I enter this process fully aware of what is taking place. In these moments God gives me the ability to assess where I am and offers me an opportunity to change my course.

As I look back at my life I realize that any season that represented a great trial or a great season of growth was proceeded by a crucial cross road. I entered a place where I knew the way I was acting was not leading in a good direction and God offered me a choice. I could continue pursuing the lifestyle of others I coveted or I could choose His path for my life. The choices I made in these crossroads are mixed. Some good. Some bad. While the choices vary, the results are absolute. The only peace in my life results when I choose wisely.

Knowing that, why is it that it is still so hard to make the right choice? I am so often tempted to make the same bad choices in my life. Often I sit in amazement at my own stupidity. Jealously is often my greatest downfall. Somebody seems to have something that I want but do not have. This creates inside of me a desire for something unhealthy. I am faced with a decision to confess it or let it go. I know better, yet…

Prayer: Your grace and patience are Your most amazing qualities to me. I guess that is because I rely on them the most. I am so grateful that You never let go of me. Even during times of my life that I have blatantly rebelled against You; You were right there with me. You never let go. Through the discipline and pain that resulted from my decisions; You were right there with me. At times I look back and I mourn over the loss of time I have experienced in rebellion. I wish that it were different. But at the same time, I realize that I am who I am because You molded me through those times. Thank you for the gift of Your grace and the care and patience You have taken in growing me. I am not proud of the past, but I am at peace with the present. My decisions are getting better and that is an amazing gift.

As I face the day, I know that regardless of where I am, I am always only one observation away from starting a chain reaction of decisions that will lead to a downward spiral such as the one that Saul is experiencing. Open up my heart and examine it for anything that would cause me to be led astray. At the end of the day, may I have the peace of knowing I chose a path that honored Your name and held onto Your spirit.

My Goliaths

Scripture: "And with whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your insolence and the wickedness of your heart; for you have come down in order to see the battle." 1 Samuel 17:28

Observation: Eliab was a man. In chapter 16 Samuel was awestruck at his stature and appearance. Judging from the outside, he appeared to be great. But on the inside, his heart was not in the right place. David on the other hand represented everything that you would not look for in a deliverer. On the outside, he looked like an unlikely hero. But on the inside, his heart fully belonged to God. David was an underdog. God likes to use underdogs. The trouble is, underdogs take a lot of hits as they follow God.

Application: I have felt like an underdog all my life. I scarcely remember a season in my life that I did not feel inferior to the people I worked with. I always seem to end up in a setting that finds me surrounded by people older than me. By people way more experienced than me. People who have no logical reason to listen to a word that I say.

While I have grown to accept this as God's plan for my life, it does at times become difficult. Sometimes the people closest to me can say things that hurt me. Things that remind me of who I am, who I used to be, or the good and bad that I am capable of committing. Sometimes, all it takes is a question that I can’t answer or a problem to send me spiraling down to a place of despair and feelings of inadequacy. That’s when the Goliaths show up.

I know my Goliaths well. Some I have taken care of. Others linger on the battle field. They sit and wait on the perfect opportunity to strike their blow by reminding me of some things about myself that I do not like. In the heat of these moments of intense pressure, I have grown to learn that I have two basic choices. The first is that I can shrink away. This is what every man in Israel had done in this chapter. From the king down, they had hidden themselves. The same option is available to me when I face adversity. The second option that I see is I can take what God has done in my life and use it to give me the courage to charge into what it is I am facing. This is the only way to kill a Goliath. They don’t just go away. They get louder.

Prayer: You have given me more than I could ever deserve. As I look back over my life, I realize just how much You have brought me through and I am moved with a deep sense of gratitude. Given the history we have it should be easy for me to remember what You have done and find the faith I need to continue to advance in my walk with You. But it is not. There are Goliaths today that I need to take down. They stand in my life and constantly remind me of who I am and what I used to be. Most of my Goliaths are not external people, they are internal thoughts and emotions that I have let run loose for too long. Help me to remember Your great name as I head into these battles. Train me to take captive every thought that I have and allow me the wisdom to see through people and look to the real enemy. Paul tells me that I do not wrestle with flesh a

Partial Obedience

Scripture: "But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep, the oxen, the fatlings, the lambs and all that was good, and were not willing to destroy them utterly; but everything despised and worthless; that they utterly destroyed." 1 Samuel 15:9

Observation: It was easy for Saul and the people to follow God's command when it cost them something they did not value. When it came down to getting rid of something of great value to them; they balked. They coveted some things that they were supposed to despise.

Application: There are some sins that are of no value to me. They offer no attraction whatsoever. I am exposed to them. The opportunity is there and I could partake of them at any point and time. But they simply do not attract me, so I resist them with ease. I have utterly destroyed them from my life.

But then there are other sins. Sins that I look upon and covet with my heart. Just as Saul and the people of Israel have done here, it is easy for me to follow God and refuse things in my life that are not supposed to be there when those things are of no value to me; but I tend to hold onto the sins to which I have assigned a value. Guilty pleasures I have heard them called. Little things which in the grand scheme of my life just seem so insignificant. After all, I have completed much of what God has asked of me; what's the problem with keeping a little held back? That's why we have grace. Right?

This is sound logic but foolishness all the same. Partial obedience is full disobedience. In later verses, this line of thinking is exposed for what it truly is, a subtle play on my emotions from my enemy designed to take me down. The fruit of this sin reduced Saul from a powerful king, all the way down to a tormented man who was unable to rest. I have seen myself take the same journey. As God delivered me out of a lifestyle that was not His choice for me, I held onto some aspects of it. I did not utterly destroy everything, only the parts I despised. Over time, these things have proven themselves capable of taking me right back to the lowly place from which I have been redeemed.

Prayer: I see much of myself in Saul. I am stubborn. I am determined. I am insecure. I fear the reaction of others. I covet things that I should not covet. I seek You the hardest when I have really messed things up the most. All these things are in my life and I tolerate them. Some because I value them, others because I do not know how to get rid of them. I confess to You this morning that I am in need of a clean heart. I am so very grateful that, unlike Saul, my sins have been paid for. Jesus took care of them and so there is grace to cover me. But I don’t want to abuse that. I do not want to allow the lack of immediate consequences to fool me into thinking that You approve or that I got away with something. I desire instead to use this time of grace to get things straight and move past the things that hold me down. Guide me in my decision making today. Shield my eyes. Protect my ears. Put a guard on my tongue. Keep me from sins today that will tempt me to follow my own lusts and logic. Do not allow me to settle for anything less than a ruthless pursuit of all that You desire for my life.

Don't Play it Safe

Scripture: "His armor bearer said to him, "Do all that is in your heart; turn yourself, and here I am with you according to your desire."

Observation: There is a great picture painted here with these verses. The armor bearer was devoted to Jonathan and willing to serve along side of him, regardless of the odds. Just the journey to the camp of the Philistines was dangerous enough, let alone the battle that would await them. It was a crazy plan. A classic suicide mission. It was Jonathan's decision, yet the words of his armor bearer are amazing.

Application: There is something about those words that I can't move past. As I close my eyes, I can almost envision the scene. If I put myself in the place of the armor bearer, I can almost feel his emotions. His stomach must have been tied in knots. His heart racing. His mind would have been nervously calculating the odds against their success. As Jonathan's plan, or lack there of, was laid out before him it would have had to have been tempting to argue or at least state the obvious. But he did not. He simply said, "Do all that is in your heart; turn yourself, and here I am with you according to your desire."

I have a glaring image in my mind of the message that God has for me in this story. If I replace Jonathan with Jesus and the armor bearer with me, the question becomes what are the limits of my faith? At what point am I no longer willing to follow God? It is a tough question and one I would rather not answer. I am afraid I know the answer. Jesus would have to drag me through the crags. He would have to chase down His armor in battle. I am opposed to pain. I hate the threat of loss. I hedge my bets. I play it safe. I live life in a world that is surrounded by things that help cover my losses. I have insurance on everything I own and I am worth more dead than I am alive.

The trouble is that God does not always work that way. In 2 Corinthians 11 Paul describes all that his faith cost him. The list is as long as it is grueling. I do not feel that God has asked anything of me near the level what most men in the Bible faced, yet I struggle to follow. Fear will get the best of me in certain situations and I begin looking for a way out.

Prayer: What a great challenge to me. There lies inside of me the desire to be as faithful to You as Jonathan's armor bearer was to him. When You ask me to follow you into something that is bigger than me; my greatest hope is that my words would be, "here I am with you according to Your desire." The trouble is there also lies inside of me a great desire to play it safe and stay comfortable. I need Your great strength if I am to make the right choice. I pray that you mold me into the person of dedication and obedience that you desire me to be. The ability to live a life of reckless abandonment in following after You is an abilty I can't create on my own. Take my heart; bend it towards you. Take my mind; fill it with Your wisdom and knowledge. Take my soul, center its deepest longings on pursuing Your will. In the heat of the battle, I want to be one step behind You.

Hidden Missions

Scripture: "Now a day before Saul's coming, the LORD had revealed this to Samuel saying, "About this time tomorrow I will send you a man from the land of Benjamin." 1 Samuel 9:15-16

Observation: This is one of my favorite stories. It is a great reminder of just how amazing God is. God is moving in both Samuel and Saul at the same time, but in vastly different methods. In the end, God is directing both men to intersect for His purposes. He had Saul out searching for lost donkeys and Samuel looking for a future king.

Application: The reminders contained in this verse are powerful. First, I look at Saul. The first few verses of chapter 9 reveal that his father had sent him searching for lost donkeys. That was Saul's revealed mission. It was the thing for which he labored. Saul sought out Samuel to guide him in his revealed mission. He did not come to him seeking to be king. He came to him looking for donkeys. Second, God had a concealed mission for Saul. As Saul wondered around the country looking for his fathers lost livestock, God was stirring in the heart of Samuel the verses noted above. He was telling Samuel to be ready. To be on the look out. He had heard the cries of the people and was preparing to move. Finally, look at Samuel's willingness to pay attention. He was preparing for a big event. The people were sacrificing on the high place and he was getting ready to lead them in the feast. God interrupts him. He does not give him all the information, but enough. Samuel does not stop what he is doing. He does not panic. Later in verse 23 I see that Samuel actually made plans to accommodate God's stirring in his heart.

Prayer: You move in ways that are unexpected. All that I can do is pursue the mission that You have revealed to me. That in and of itself can be quite difficult. I often assess the mission and many times I wonder how it can lead me to further Your work. I ask You to forgive me for my lack of trust and faith in You. I ask You to forgive my unwillingness to faithful in tasks, like searching for donkeys, that I deem unworthy of furthering Your Kingdom. Move inside of me and create a great desire to pursue even the most trivial of tasks with all that I have. As I do this, I pray for the awareness needed to be reminded of the unrevealed working of Your will around me. May I never become so focused on the task at hand that I fail to respond to the mission underneath.

I also ask for the wisdom and discernment I need to be effective in joining You in furthering the mission of others. Just like Samuel, I desire to have my routine duties be interrupted to help facilitate Your movement in the lives of others. Guard me from pride. From busyness. From distractions. From anything that would prevent me from having a spirit that is willing to join you.

Every Good Deed

Scripture: "And God is able to make all grace abound in you, so that always having all sufficiency in everything, you may have an abundance for every good deed." 2 Corinthians 9:8

Observation: Everyone wants sufficiency. Everyone wants to abound in Grace. But it is often not for the right reason. God does not give for me to store up.

Application: As I was leaving my subdivision the other day I got behind a black Mercedes. The license plate read, "soblssd". I hear that a lot. Big houses. Airplanes. Vacation homes. The list goes own. All attributed to God's blessing, but all intended for personal pleasure. Not that there is anything wrong with these things. There is no shame in taking personal pleasure from God's graciousness to me. But there is a thin line to walk with this. Truly giving God glory and honoring him means more than just calling myself blessed. It means that my life impacts others. Blessings are not to be stored up inside of me to create a type of reservoir for my own personal enjoyment. They are designed to equip me to do good works. They are designed to enable me to better serve others.

Prayer: Life is rough at times. The daily grind can become exhausting and it is awfully tempting to hold on to blessings. It is so easy to attribute them to You with my mouth, but covet them in my heart. Teach me to be a vessel that pours itself out for You. May every good gift that comes from You bring You honor. Not just from my lips, but from my actions. By the way I live my life, may Your honor reach the lives of others. May the sufficiency You have given me reach those who are in a season of lack. You have a heart for the needy. For the Poor. For those who have no defender. That is Your ultimate goal for how I am to spend the resources You provide. Kindle in my heart a great desire to share that same goal. May every season in my life further develop the sufficiency I need for every good deed you have called me to.

Stop Pushing Ropes

Scripture: "Begging us with much urging for the favor of participation in the support of the saints." 2 Corinthians 8:4

Observation: There is something magical in the grace of God being poured out on a people. It defies logic. It is compelling. People are drawn to it. What was taking place in the church of Macedonia is beyond all belief.

Application: My dad always told me that you can never push a rope. The older I get the more wisdom I see in that statement. I know that to be true. Experience has proven it. Yet, I often find myself feeling like that is what I do for a living. I push ropes. Or try to. Most of the time this leaves me feeling like I failed. It creates inside of me an overwhelming sense of frustration that often leads to anger. I study. I regroup. I will buy resources designed to help me get better at leading people through the basics of leadership and execution. But I wonder; how would my life differ if I stopped trying to push the ropes?

When I read about the church in Macedonia, I am amazed. There are no ropes. People are moving beyond what has been asked of expected of them. I love the thought of what Paul has seen. They are approaching him. Begging him to let them participate. Not because of anything Paul has done, but because so great is the outpouring of God's grace and their personal connection with His favor.

Prayer: I have heard it said many times that I can do nothing on my own. It is a saying that reverberates through churches the world over. It is a statement that I totally disagree with. I can do a lot on my own. I can create things. I can push things. I can will something into existence. I can force my hand. I have seen me do this many times. But there is something that I can't do. I can never create a movement of Your spirit. When I read stories like this one in 2 Corinthians I am reminded of just how great You are. I realize just how desperately I need You. I seek Your Grace this morning. The list of things on which I am working is long and I need to confess to You this morning that I am engaging my flesh and my own wisdom more than I am seeking an outpouring of Your grace on the people I serve. I pray that You reveal to me the discernment I need to find the balance between joining You in a work with the gifts that you have provided me and using the gifts that You have provided to create a work. I am tried of creating works. Instead, I am ready to experience Your favor in a way I have never seen.

Endurance

Scripture: For You have tried us, O God. You have refined us as silver is refined. You brought us into the net; You laid an oppressive burden upon our loins. You made men ride over our heads; We went through fire and through water, Yet You brought us out into a place of abundance," Psalm 66:10 - 12

Observation: This is a pretty amazing Psalm. It starts off by saying Shout joyfully to God and it maintains that tone throughout the Psalms. Every verse is a praise to God except the passage above. In this passage, he talks about God trying the nation. He speaks of refining as with fire. Being captured as prey is taken by a hunter. Being oppressed as a heavy burden placed in my lap. Being over taken by men. Walking through fire. Walking through water. And in all these things, the Psalmist says, "You have made…"

Application: I can still remember everything about the first day of summer football practice. All the sights, sounds, smells, and experiences are forever locked into my mind. It started the last week of July. In the scorching heat we would line up in shorts and t-shirts. We ran. We ran until someone vomited. We ran until we ran hard enough to earn our right to get a drink of water. It was grueling. Just when I thought that I could take no more, something amazing happened. We went "full pads". This meant that we all strapped on around 20 pounds of gear and added full-contact to the running in the heat. Now I not only had to worry about surviving the heat and the running; I had to look out for someone trying to run me over. As a team, we endured all this from our coaches. They brought it all upon us in hopes of preparing us for game day. In the end, it was worth it. It was necessary. Without it, there was no way to get ready.

It is hard to accept hardship in life. I do not like it. I hate tension and the lack of peace. Just last week I was on a spiritual, personal, and work high. Everything was just as it should be. It was as if the stars were in perfect alignment and all was well in my world. My heart was connected with my kids. Brandy and I were in a really good place. I was loving my assignments at work. God was working in an amazing fashion by bringing people into my life in unexpected ways and allowing me to minister to them. For a couple of weeks, it was truly a mountain top experience.

Then things shift. The kids go crazy and refuse to follow even the simplest of instructions. Out of nowhere, tension and snapping appear in my relationship with Brandy. Work becomes heavy. My spiritual life dries up. Quite time is a struggle and I struggle with the words to minister to anyone. All of this transitions in a 3 day time span.

It is hard to maintain composure. It is difficult to accept the fact that God allows this. I get frustrated. I get down on myself. I get angry. Not angry at someone or something specific. Just a general angry that sits and waits on anyone or anything to jump on. I don’t like being this way. As I think back over my experiences playing football, I realize just how much I endured; knowing that it was preparing me for what was to come.

If I would go through all I had to endure for the joy of playing football, why is it that I resent so much going through life struggles that produce an eternal joy and benefit to me?

Prayer: Many times I wonder just how hard You laugh as You watch how I react to Your discipline. I hate it. I really do. I do not like pain. But as I say that, I realize two things that hating discipline is; sin and foolishness. Instead of reacting in frustration and anger or self-depreciation, teach me to praise You during hard times. Allow me the wisdom to see the better day that hard times prepare me for. I need Your strength to get me through and to be constantly reminded that Your loving kindness never fails.

3 Keys to Hard Times

Scripture: "But having the same spirit of faith, according to the what is written, "I believed, therefore I spoke", we also believe therefore we speak." 2 Corinthians 4:13

Observation: This is a hard chapter. It is so very rich in things that I can dwell on and receive instruction. This verse to me really sums up the entire chapter in three points. The same Spirit of faith. According to what is written believe. Therefore, speak.

Application: I am to have the same spirit of faith. Verse 18 is an amazing description of faith. The essence of faith is looking past the things that are seen and seeing the things that are unseen. This has been the hallmark trait of every great man of faith. They received from God a promise unseen and built their lives around it. I am to have the same faith, but it is not easy. In verse 4, Paul talks about the god of the world blinding us. The ideals, opinions, goals, hopes and views of the world fight against me accepting something that can’t be seen. It always has and always will. Whether I like it or not, I will forever pursue something that I will not fully grasp or see this side of heaven.

According to what is written, I am to believe. This is a hard one. My logic always wants to take over. My personal preferences can take hold of the basics of my beliefs and bend them out totally out of context. Sometimes I put my faith in these bent truths. When I look at verse 8 and 9, I am shocked at the verbs which are used. Afflicted. Perplexed. Persecuted. Struck down. Paul says these things are going to happen. If I pray and put my faith in God to not allow them to happen to me, am I not believing against what is written? Am I not destined feel let down? Although it is hard to make a case for praying that these things would not happen to me; Paul does give me another list that I can pray with absolute certainty. I will not be crushed. I will not be in despair. I will not be forsaken. I will not be destroyed. In the middle of my affliction instead of praying it to go away I need to learn that I can face it without being crushed. In the middle of perplexing times, I need to learn that I don’t have to despair. During the heaviest of persecution, I need to be reminded that God is still there. When I hit bottom and fall down to my lowest I need to trust in the fact that I will not be destroyed. So often I seek escape, but what is written indicates a better thing for which to pray.

Therefore speak. Two simple words yet they contain such a hard command. There are many things that get in the way of me speaking, but I see two main ones. The first is that I often only pretend to believe. Pretending to believe works great as long as you are in a safe environment. But in the middle of adversity or when in the presence of an unbeliever; my "pretend knowledge" lacks the strength to speak out. I really need to work at knowing what I believe and truly believing it. The second is that I feel inadequate. I am a sinful person. Far from perfect in almost every way. There is a verse in the chapter that really spoke to me tonight. In verse 5 Paul says, "For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ." What a great reminder of the fact that it is not about me. When I am walking after God, it is always Him that speaks through me. I am not there to preach about myself, I am there to speak out about the truth of who God is and what it is that He is doing inside of me. I will always be an unfinished work. I best get used to it and not allow it to prevent me from sharing with others.

Prayer: I am oppressed tonight. I feel it. I sense it in every fiber of my being. I hate it to. So often it leads me to be frustrated. I get angry and despair is rarely far behind. Tonight has been a great reminder to me of just what is the truth of Your word. I will not be crushed, even though I feel like I am. You will not abandon me and I will not get lost in despair, even though I feel like I can’t hear you and my search is leading me nowhere fast. I will return to a place of peace, even if I feel destined for destruction. That is Your truth and that is where I chose to put my faith.

You alone are God. There is none other like you. I pray that You would affirm in my soul the truth of Your word. As I face this oppression that is upon me tonight, allow me the discernment to clearly hear Your voice and find Your wisdom. Use this time of challenge to grow me. I thank You for Your promise to draw near to me tonight as I draw near to You. Help me to hold fast to the things that are written in Your word and to maintain my ministry to others as I seek ministry for myself.

I Hate Consequences

Scripture: "Call upon Me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you and you will honor me. But to the wicked God says, "What right have you to tell of my statutes and to take My covenant in Your mouth? For you hate discipline, and you cast My words behind you." Psalm 50:15-17

Observation: It is easy to grab verse 15 and claim it when we face hard times. It is easy to share it with others when they face hard times. But how about the later verses?

Application: This is a tough one for me. The hell and damnation teaching of the old line church I grew up in has really jaded me. It is difficult for me to take passages of scripture that point to God's discipline and wrath and accept them. But as I sit here this morning I find myself having to wrestle with some really hard questions.

Do I really hate sin? The initial response is to say yes but I am not so sure that I do. I certainly hate some versions of sin such as physically hitting a woman or a child or the taking of the life of another. But what about other "lesser" versions of some sin? Do I really hate holding on to anger towards my wife and children? Do I really hate the anger that burns inside of me when I feel wronged by another person? Do I really hate the sin of greed? Do I really hate lust? Do I really hate bending the truth to get out of trouble? Do I really hate gossip and slander? Do I really hate drinking too much? Do I really hate over spending? Do I really hate eating too much?

As I look at these questions I feel a sense of uneasiness coming over me for I am starting to realize that I hate consequences more than I hate the sin. When I commit sin, the first thing I normally think about is what is the result going to be in my life. I feel terrible. Remorse is all over my spirit. Then, if nothing happens, I begin to wonder if I got away with it or hey, maybe it was not sin after all. I justify what I did and do it again. This is the scenario that is laid out in verses 21 - 22. I mistake the patience of God as being tolerant of my behavior. Eventually discipline kicks in and I find myself hurting. It is easy to mistake this as affliction. It is easy to run to God and beg for help.

Prayer: I am afraid that I only pretend to hate sin because I know that I am supposed to. The trouble with this line of thinking is that means I can only pretend to repent and I can only pretend to receive Your forgiveness. I am not sure where to go with this other than to ask You to change my heart towards sin. I feel that happening in some areas of my life but I still cling to certain sins. There are sins in my past that I would return to if I knew that I would get away with. That does not qualify as hating sin; it is the discipline I hate. That I confess to You as being a stronghold in my life. I hate being disciplined more than I hate sinning.

Many times I find myself approaching You claiming Your promises with a sense of entitlement. Slow me down. Help me examine my life. Allow me to honestly assess where I am and confess that to You in its purest form. Then I need You to do what only You can do, transform my mind and my desires. Move me past where I am and rescue me from the cycle of sin and repentance that seems to often plague my life. Help me to be truly broken of my sin against You; not the consequences that I face.