Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Enduring to the End

Read: Nehemiah
“Also that day they offered great sacrifices and rejoiced, for God had made them rejoice with great joy; the women also and the children rejoiced. The joy of Jerusalem was heard even afar off.” Nehemiah 12:43

Examine:
For the Israelites their hard work and long suffering paid off in a joyous celebration. They endured to the end and God Himself made them rejoice.

Apply:
Following after God is always worth it in the end. The pains and struggles that accompany a task from God will always result in my best joy and highest celebration if I endure to the end and do not grow weary in doing what is right.

Pray:
I keep coming back to all these people had to endure. The work was far more than overwhelming just by itself, but then their burden was increased as circumstances worsened. The picture I have is of them working with a shovel in one hand and a spear in the other. It reminds me of a couple of things. There is a time to rest, but there is also a time to suck it up and get it done. There is a time to sit still and pray, but there is a time to charge the flippin hill. Those contrasts are difficult to discern sometimes. It also reminds me that following after You does not mean that everything will go easy. Some things do. As these folks were returning to Jerusalem the Persians gave to them freely to provide for their way, but once they got to work their enemies came from all around to make their job troublesome. In the midst of a great task it is easy to lose sight of the good that happened as the troubles mount.

I can so relate to this story. I call out to You asking that You fill me with the discernment I need to know when to press and when to sit. I pray that I have the strength I need to maintain the work, defend against attacks, lead my family and not give in to discouragement. I trust You. I know that You have called me to be where I am and I know that You will lead me through. Keep me holy before You, fill my heart with worship, and empower me to be faithful with all that You ask.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Wasted Promise

Read: Nehemiah 8
“Behold, we are slaves this day, and as for the land that You gave to our fathers to eat the fruit and the good of it, behold, we are slaves in it.” Nehemiah 8:36

Examine:
For several generations the Israelites tried living their lives according to their own terms. In the end their stubbornness towards God landed them in the most pitiful of places; they were slaves in their own land of wasted promise.

Apply:
Periodically I will watch a show on a life of promise wasted. I have seen athletes waste their potential, business executives squander resources, politicians lose their office, and religious leaders lose their influence because they chose a way that seemed right to them but its end was death. As I watch these shows it is easy to point fingers and cast judgment. It is tempting to look at their choices and determine I would have done better. I let myself off the hook because I look at their wealth and opportunity and decide that they were trusted with much more than me. In doing this I covet what was once theirs and lose sight of what has been given to me.

Pray:
In John 14, You tell me that I will not only do the works You did but that I have the potential to do even greater things. Jesus, this challenges me greatly. When I look at my life I have a tendency to base my success on what I see around me but I realize that is a false test. The true test of success is only determined by looking at the potential You have placed inside of me. As I close my eyes and picture Your life on earth I am intimidated by what I see. My life still does not reflect the core of power that graced You on this earth, my love still does not contain the selflessness with which You loved others, and my passion does not pursue the Father’s heart any where near the level that Yours did.

This season of life continues to feel like I am in transition and circumstances are forcing me to make choices at a quick pace. I do not want to be a slave in my own land of promise. At the moment I sense that I have lost connection with your power, love and passion and I pray today that You lead my heart back to Yours. There is a lot of fight left before me and I do not want to arrive at the end of this battle only to have become a slave to my own bad choices. I pray that You would invade the distance that I sense lies between us. Draw near to me as I seek to draw near to You. Let Your presence radiate in me, Your power fuel me, Your love transform me, and Your passion consume me. All that is me I set aside today and exchange it for all that is of You. I truly desire the greater things You desire me to have in You and there is honestly nothing in my heart that wants to turn back until I see Your face. I do not want to waste a single promise that is mine through You.

Friday, October 7, 2011

Owning Consequences

Read: Nehemiah 8
“However, You are just in all that has come upon us; for You have dealt faithfully, but we have done wickedly;” Nehemiah 8:33

Examine:
In this chapter the people recount the graciousness of God and their overall attitude of unfaithfulness to Him. In the end, they acknowledged that they deserved the consequences that had been handed to them.

Apply:
Taking ownership of the consequences of my actions is hard. There is a voice inside of me that feels entitled to something better. There is an attitude buried in my heart that feels like God is falling down on His job and He has let me down. That side of me makes it hard to look up at God and say, “You are faithful but I have done wicked.”

Pray:
There are some tensions in my life right now that just will not relent. Relationships can be without a doubt some of the most challenging things in life to manage. There are some very strained relationships in my life right now and they are quite literally sucking the life out of me. Looking back I see my contributions to the strain. I see the times that I ignored Your instructions and did things my own way and as I look in my heart I recognize the attitudes that are wrong but I stubbornly refuse to release them. I do not want to serve, I do not want to forgive, and I do not want to forget. I want vengeance for my pain. As ugly as that may be it is the truth about what is in my heart. These tensions have hugely affected my relationship with You. I am frustrated that You will not set things right. I am holding anger in my heart towards You because of this. I feel like You want me to repent and let go but my pride keeps screaming out wondering why the other side gets away with it.

So, here we go. I am not sure that I can do this and mean it but I commit to You that I will keep trying until I do. The pain I feel today has nothing to do with how I am treated by others. The pain I feel is the discipline that comes with refusing You. I have to release others and love freely. That is how You treat me and it is what You demand in return. In these relationships I did not live clean. I let things build up. I swept things under the rug for far to long and covered hurts that should have been expressed. That is my fault. That is my sin. I failed to be faithful to the convictions I had and I can only blame myself. I am sorry that I blame You when I clearly turned my back on what You have told me to do. I also have held on to hurts and there is nothing in Your Word that allows for that. Therefore, I am in sin.

I do not want to be so easily offended anymore and I certainly do not want to carry forward hurts. I submit to You today. Teach me to live clean in my relationships and please repair the damage my own bitterness has done to my heart.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

His Best

Read: Nehemiah 8
“This day is holy to the Lord your God; mourn not nor weep.” Nehemiah 8:9

Examine:
This verse brings to a close an amazing scene. Upon rebuilding the wall and settling into their new homes the people (not the priests) requested that the law be read and for 4 hours they stood out of respect for God’s word. As the Word was read they also took time to worship on their face before God. In the end, they wept and mourned as they saw their sin against God. Then Nehemiah, the consummate leader, got their attention and reminded them of an important fact about God. His conviction is designed to strengthen His people, not weaken them.

Apply:
For me today is a day to sit and acknowledge the work of God in my life. I can remember how I once starred at my Bible and feared opening it. I did not want to hear what it had to say about how I was living my life so I just did not read it. Then I remember another season of life when the promises of God became my focus. I could not wait to read the Bible because it offered the hope of a better life and I was all about advancing my agenda. That season of selfishness got me into the Word but it was only the bait. God began to gently apply scripture to my life and eventually began breaking down walls in my heart with it. I now find myself in a season of deep refinement. When I wake up in the mornings the first thought that comes to mind is getting into the Word and discovering what God has for me. It is a holy time. The deeper He digs into my heart the more freedom I find in my life. The more conviction He brings, the more peace I experience. The Word confronts my flesh, defeats my sin, and clears my heart.

Pray:
It is fun to sit back and reflect over life. I can remember sitting in mine and Brandy’s first home almost ten years ago. The day I am thinking about was the one when I sat down in my garage with my Bible. I sat in the floor that day and acknowledged that the life I was living was void of Your promises. I knew in my heart that there was more and I asked You for it. I agreed to submit to whatever You asked and follow Your movement. In the ten years that have passed since that day I would have never imagined all I have experienced. It is crazy to think about really. My life has followed a course I would have NEVER chosen. Yet, ten years into this new journey I stand hungry still for more. Looking back I realize that instead of giving me what I wanted You have handed me Your best. I simply want to come to You today and say thanks.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

I Want This Mountain

Read: Nehemiah 7
“Now the city was wide and large, but the people in it were few, and their houses were not yet built.” Nehemiah 7:4

Examine:
Nehemiah built the city according to the size of the vision given to him by God, not based on its current capacity or his limitations.

Apply:
I never need to allow the vision of God’s plans for me to be shaped by the limits of my current capacity. Just because I have a lot today does not mean that I will experience more in the future. Likewise, small beginnings do not indicate a limited future. The detail that is most important is what has God asked me to build.

Pray:
I do not think I will ever forget 35. Today as the days of my life roll over into another year, I look back and stand amazed. As we have said yes, with each step You have provided. As I assess the choices we have made and compare them to this scripture this morning, I feel great about where we are. By Your grace we have not backed up a single time. No matter how dark it has gotten or impossible the odds have felt, I have kept moving toward the vision You placed in my heart. I sit at peace today knowing that I held nothing back from You.

Today we stand at another crossroad. I feel a lot like Nehemiah this morning. The walls have been built and I stare across at a very large city, but there are a lot of empty lots. You know the battle that we face daily and the fears that threaten our hearts. Your word says that we will face enough pressures to mold our character and strengthen our faith but never so much that we can’t stand. By Your grace we have stood the test, held fast to our commitments, and honored Your Name in our conversations. Likewise, we have found Your promises to be steadfast and always true.

I do not want relief. I do not want rest. I do not want my old life back nor do I desire another task. I WANT THIS MOUNTAIN. I ask today that You open the heavens and continue to fulfill the vision You have given. I pray that we be able to see fully the completion of the desire You have planted in our hearts for South Africa and Your Church in the U.S. Let my hands be strong today, my sword be sharp and my aim be true.

Friday, September 30, 2011

Open Doors for Deceit

Read: Nehemiah 6
“My God, think on Tobiah and Sanballat according to these their works, and on the prophetess Noadiah and the rest of the prophets who would have put me in fear.” Nehemiah 6:14

Examine:
In this chapter Nehemiah’s enemies switch tactics. Instead of using outright threats they move into the realm of deceit. With each encounter, Nehemiah stood strong because he would only take cues from God; not man.

Apply:
There are three weaknesses in me that open the door for Satan to take me down in deceit. The first is fear of man issues. Fear of man does not mean that I sit around and tremble or that I become afraid of a person. Fear of man means that I allow the opinions of others to shape me because my pride doesn’t want to appear foolish in front of them. Fear of man means that I allow the words of others to take precedent over the voice of God in my life.

Wanting an easy way out is the second weakness that allows me to be deceived. The Bible says that the road that leads to life is narrow. A mission from God takes time to develop, requires much growth in me, and demands the sacrifice of my life. Satan litters the pathway with promises of relief and rest. If my heart is seeking a way to lessen the cost, then I am a sitting duck for the enemy.

Not knowing God’s desire of me is the final weakness that opens the door for me to find myself blinded by deception. My God is not silent. He speaks, He draws near, and He leads. He is not a God of confusion or chaos. The problem lies in that I do not always hear what He is saying. Competing demands drown out the voice of God. Finding clarity from God demands margin to sit still and necessitates me putting aside all things to pursue His will.

Pray:
Today it is all too much. That is the voice that I hear stirring inside of me. The pressure of all that is before me has captured my focus and I find myself sinking in a sea of doubt and anxiousness. This is a familiar place. As I learn to walk on water I often make the mistake of losing sight of You Jesus. From this place, I turn my eyes back to you and extend my hand.

Lift me up today Jesus. Take away my fear of man, stir in me a resolve that does not look for shortcuts, and give me the power to subdue any thought that competes with the will of our Father. You and I are joint heirs. You are my Savior. You are my advocate. You are my model. The cup that I carry is Yours, the yolk on my shoulder is the one You have given, and the passion that stirs in my heart is Your heart for those You said I should give my life to serve. All things in heaven are available to You and You challenged me to be so bold as to ask for the things needed to accomplish the will of our Father. So I am calling on Your word today. You know the size of my lack and the enormity of my task. I am calling on You to tangibly close the gap today and strengthen my heart to continue to run after You.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Two Expressions of Anger

Read: Nehemiah 5
“I was very angry when I heard their cry and these words.” Nehemiah 5:6

Examine:
The Word teaches that anger is not always sinful. Leaders have to understand Holy anger and how to use it.

Apply:
There are two expressions of my anger. It will either manifest itself in passion or rage. Passionate anger has the ability to defend others, cast vision, and overcome hardship. Passionate anger is what sets captives free, starts revolutions, and overcomes huge obstacles. Passionate anger captures my attention, destroys my apathy, and forces me to get involved. Passionate anger harnessed into a righteous response is a good thing.

Rage on the other hand serves no purpose for good. It only destroys me and harms anyone it touches. Rage exploits others, justifies anything, and hardens my heart. Rage will take me places I don’t want to go, keep me there longer than I thought I’d stay, and cost me far more than I ever would have imagined. Rage is arrogant, vicious, and its thirst cannot be quenched. Rage hiding under a false veil of righteousness is among the most destructive of evils.

Pray:
Holy Spirit, I call to You this morning. I want my anger stirred over things that break our Father’s heart and once stirred I desire nothing else than to see it be channeled into a passionate response that honors the name of our Great Father. Rage is the friend of no one, but passionate anger channeled into a righteous response sets captives free.

I also need Your discernment over what really breaks the Father’s heart. The line between righteous indignation and my flesh just being ticked off is difficult to see. In the Name of being Righteous I can justify a lot of behavior and say some really nasty things. I hate that part of me and confess it to You. I have destroyed relationships, held on to bitterness, and exploited others all under the false banner of protecting what is right.

You also know how we are struggling right now. Brandy and I face uncertainty that we have never before experienced. It is hard to stand in the gap for those who have lost hope and not lose our own. This creates a pressure that makes containing my anger difficult. I beg for Your wisdom to guide my thoughts and actions today. Make my hands strong, my feet fast, and fuel in me a great resolve to see this task through to the end.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Pausing to Get Right

Read: Nehemiah 4
““Don’t be afraid of them. Put your minds on the Master, great and awesome, and then fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes.” Nehemiah 4:14

Examine:
Nehemiah knew his task, knew his enemy, and knew his weaknesses. Nehemiah also knew his God. In moments of great risk he allowed his knowledge of God to push him forward past his knowledge of his challenges.

Apply:
As I sit and quietly pray I realize that my knowledge is weak. My understanding of the task, my knowledge of the enemy, and my awareness of weaknesses are all lacking. Most critically, my knowledge of God is too weak to press me forward.

Pray:
Holy Spirit, I sense that You are stirring something deep in me this morning. I can’t put words to it yet, but I feel it reverberating in my soul. I feel like I am on the eve of launching a major offensive only I realize that my plans are not right. Instead of charging ahead with something I know is not exactly right, I want to pause this morning.

As I have continued to sit silent this morning and listen, I feel like I now hear what You are saying. Just to ensure that we are on the same page I want to speak back to You the three stirrings I hear in my heart. My marriage is not strong enough to endure the battle ahead, the anger I carry in my heart is going to work against me, and the message I am carrying is not completely aligned with the one You want me to have. If those are wrong correct me. If not I submit to You today, trusting that you will give me revelation as to what to do with these stirrings.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Home by 5:00

Read: Nehemiah 4
“And they all plotted together to come and fight against Jerusalem, to injure and cause confusion and failure in it.” Nehemiah 4:8

Examine:
In the opening verse of Nehemiah we see a group of people rising up to mock his work. Nehemiah aggressively prays against these people. Following his prayer things went from bad to worse. Now his enemies switch from simple mockery to plans of attack. For Nehemiah this would be the start of his greatest leadership challenge. What does one do when the task is tall and prayers for relief are answered by increased challenge?

Apply:
Anytime God calls me to a task I can expect two things: He is going to use it to refine me and the enemy will try to use it to destroy me. I have to be honest with myself. There is a large part of me that wants the victory without the dark nights of battle. I want to pray down the heavens, see my obstacles instantaneously dissolved and be home by 5:00.

Pray:
In the midst of this season of great faith I am often sidetracked most by my own emotions. As things heat up and the journey becomes challenging I am often tempted to quit. I don’t want to be refined and I despise attacks. I look at men like Nehemiah and I am challenged by their faith as I see the holes that exist in mine. I am stirred today as I see Nehemiah’s resolve and trust in You put on display. There are no shortcuts in this journey. I pray that I not allow my desire to be done to consume my need to patiently endure to the end. You have promised You will complete what You have started as long as I do not grow weary in doing what is right. That is my single source of hope today and I cling to it with one had, pick up my tools with the other, and continue my work on the task you have given to me. Help me to be holy today, fill my heart with worship, and empower me to be faithful.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Leaving the Naysayer

Read: Nehemiah 2
“I answered them, The God of heaven will prosper us; therefore we His servants will arise and build, but you have no portion or right or memorial in Jerusalem.” Nehemiah 2:20

Examine:
One of the great tools Satan uses to disrupt the work of God are naysayers. Naysayers always show up to argue, discourage, and shutdown people who are trying to do something great. Nehemiah robbed his naysayers of their power by pointing them back to God’s power, acknowledging his submission to God as a servant, and resisting the desire to argue back.

Apply:
The choices I make in this life have only three outcomes. They will have a positive impact on eternity, no impact on eternity, or a negative impact on eternity. The scriptures remind me of this when they speak of the power of my words. Words either bring life or steal it. It is an easy thing to be negative. In any great task there are very few things than can go right, but there is immeasurable opportunity for failure. I need to make sure that I do not walk the path of a naysayer. When I hear of the work of others my words to them should make an investment in their endeavor and encourage them to persevere until the end.
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Pray:
Over the past few years You placed me in positions that allowed me to take part in many ministry opportunities. It saddens me to think of how many times I collapsed to the pressure placed on me and shot holes in the work of others. In doing this I missed the chance to invest in these people and their work. I served as a hindrance and a stumbling block and for that I find repentance in my heart. There is no going back and changing the past but there is a great chance to choices in the future that will positively echo throughout eternity.

Help me to be an encouragement to others as they take on great tasks from You. Give me the wisdom and insight I need to help a person see what is right about their work and help me discern how to best help them move forward with Your provision and under Your authority. Help me leave the naysayer in me behind.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Leaders Lead with...

Read: Nehemiah 2
“The king said to me, For what do you ask? So I prayed to the God of heaven. And I said to him, If it pleases the king and if your servant has found favor in your sight, I ask that you will send me to Judah, to the city of my fathers’ sepulchers, that I may rebuild it.” Nehemiah 2:4-5

Examine:
Since it was his king who had stopped the rebuilding of Jerusalem, Nehemiah risked his life by speaking these words. This was a pivotal moment in his life and it found him ready. Besides seeking God’s help in prayer, he utilized all the human resources available, including his intellectual capabilities, his past experiences, his accumulated wisdom, his role and position in life, and people with whom he came in contact (in this instance, the king of Persia).

Apply:
As I read this passage four points for leading change really jump out. The first is patience. Four months passed between the time when God broke Nehemiah’s heart and his opportunity to do something about it. When he got to Jerusalem Nehemiah displayed patience again as he road through the city without announcing his plans for being there. Leaders lead with patience.

Preparation is the second thing that jumps out at me. In his waiting Nehemiah did not sit idle. He prayed, he took time to think, and he worked through a plan. He made sure that when given a chance he could answer all the basic questions and that he could make requests for all that was needed. He knew how long it would take, the resources he would need, the location of those resources, and what would be required to get those resources. Leaders lead with patience but they ruthlessly prepare themselves in the waiting.

The third thing that grabs me is opportunity. Nehemiah did not force an opening, but he was intently looking for an opportunity. He did not base his decision for moving forward on his preparation, but rather he waited with an eye towards an open door. When his opportunity presented itself Nehemiah did not hesitate. Leaders lead with patience, they prepare ruthlessly, and they never hesitate when the right opportunity presents itself.

The final thing that I see in this story is boldness. Nehemiah did not stick a toe in the water to test the temperature. When his moment came he cannon-balled into it. He did not hold back anything. From start to finish he put it all on the line and asked for everything he needed. Leaders lead with patience, they prepare ruthlessly, they seize opportunity, and they charge the hill with boldness.

Pray:
Preparation is the mindset I need to have during seasons of waiting and boldness is the stirring drive I need during seasons of opportunity. I think my tendency at times is to get those things backwards. I pray to You today and ask that Your wisdom and Spirit lead me in applying these lessons to my life.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Condition of My Heart

Read: Nehemiah 1
“Now these are Your servants and Your people, whom You have redeemed by Your great power and by Your strong hand.” Nehemiah 1:10

Examine:
The goal of leadership for a child of God should always be to have the power and hand of God leading the work. God will only give His hand and power to a leader whose heart is right. In this opening chapter Nehemiah displays the four quadrants of a leader’s heart that God honors: He was broken hearted for the condition of others, he put himself on the same level with those he desired to lead, he worshiped the greatness of God, and he pressed into a task that was humanly impossible.

Apply:
Since the results of my life will always be birthed from the content of my heart, there is nothing in life more vital than allowing God to reveal, correct, and strengthen the condition of my heart.

Pray:
“You are here because you prayed for the Lord to judge you severely, to correct you ruthlessly, so that you could serve Him more perfectly.” I read those words in a book yesterday and since that time they have haunted me. The moment I saw them I realized that there was nothing in me willing to pray them. I want to serve You more perfectly, but as I think about You judging me severely or correcting me ruthlessly I shudder. So, that is my starting point with you today.

I understand Your character and know that You will never do anything close to abusing me. Your correction is mild, loving, and kind as long as I am open to it so I am not afraid of what will happen to me. The reason I am resistant to praying for You to judge me severely or correct me ruthlessly is I am not ready to fully let go. There is something in me that still clings to living life on my own terms. That is the sin I see in me this morning and I confess it to You.

Before I can be an effective leader of others I have to first allow You to be an effective leader of my heart. As much as it frightens me to say it, I ask that You judge me severely, correct me ruthlessly, so that I may serve You more perfectly. Crucify the flesh in me that still clings to life. Break the yolk of legalism and kill the judge in me who casts condemnation on others. Let my heart be shattered for Your purposes, help me to feel the pain of others, set Your greatness as the single focus of my life, and lead me into impossible ventures that will echo through eternity. My life is Yours…

Friday, September 16, 2011

My Duty

Read: Ezra 10
“Arise, for it is your duty, and we are with you. Be strong and brave and do it.” Ezra 10:4

Examine:
As one reflects on the books of Ezra its message becomes clear. In order for people to be back in fellowship with the Lord, it was absolutely necessary for them to have proper temple worship (Ezra 1-6) and to live according to God’s Word (chaps. 7-10).

Apply:
The first application of this for my life today centers around the New Testament teaching of the temple and the new covenant instituted by God through Christ. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says, “19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.” Temple worship is no longer about a building, sacrifices or rituals. As a follower of Christ, my temple worship is the living sacrifice of my time and talents. Christ is in me and the Holy Spirit is continually upon me. Wherever I am I carry with me the hope of the nations, the promise of eternity, and the power to overcome darkness.

The second application has to do with the choices I make with my lifestyle. “Does merely talking about faith indicate that a person really has it? Isn’t it obvious that God-talk without God-acts is outrageous nonsense?” These words from James chapter two ring loud to me today. This chapter also says that even the demons believe in Jesus and God. The context of this teaching from James is allowing my belief in Christ to cause me to live purely according to the entire teaching of Christ and to allow my faith in Christ to touch the lives of the poor and destitute.

Pray:
I can hear the call inside of my heart today from You, “Arise, for it is your duty, and I am with you. Be strong and be brave.” I accept the duty handed to me by You and in faith I believe that You are in me to complete it. I also acknowledge that while You are with me, this duty handed to me will demand that I be strong and courageous. Nothing of worth comes easy.

I pray that Christ in me would shine brightly today. I ask that His aroma would linger as a strong fragrance and that His strength in me would be boldly on display. I also pray that the desire to live a life of faith, prayer and works would consume me like a great addiction and fuel me unlike any other passion in life. Let Your great zeal lead me, Your great love guide me, and Your great strength empower me.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Mighty Hand of the LORD

Read: Ezra 8
“Then I proclaimed a fast there, at the river Ahava, that we might humble ourselves before our God to seek from Him a straight and right way for us, our little ones, and all our possessions.” Ezra 8:21

Examine:
Being humble before God shows total dependence on Him and acknowledges that He has absolute control of every aspect of life. Humility under the mighty hand of God releases the power for the Almighty to be manifested in a manner that alters reality, shapes the future, and echoes throughout eternity.

Apply:
The primary task in leadership for me as a man of God is to make sure that I am humbled in total reliance on God. Remaining in a posture of submission to and reliance on God is the only part of the mission I have any power to effect. It is the treasure worth selling everything to obtain, it is the obsession that is worth abandoning everything to pursue, and it is the mission that sets the course for every aspect of my existence. Nothing else in life matters compared to the importance of me laying face down before my God completely naked of anything that is of me.

Pray:
“If the mighty hand of the LORD is upon me I can do anything.” I lay that statement out before You this morning and ask that You help me evaluate the reaction of my heart to it. I want to be honest with You and say that I am not sure that I believe it. I know that is not the Sunday school answer but the actions of my life do not provide enough evidence to prove that I honestly believe this statement to be an undeniable fact. I spend way too much time worrying over particulars of practicality and far too little time making sure that my heart is submitted to You. If I really believed that the essential ingredient to success in this life and the one to come was Your hand upon me, I think the desperation with which I pray, the intensity with which I follow, and the celebration with which I worship would be far greater.

I do not want to fake-believe in anything regarding You, because that means the best result I can hope for is a fake-believe experience of You. Open my heart today Holy Spirit. I proclaim a fast today. At the end of these three days, I desire this statement to resound deep in my heart and be displayed with wisdom in my actions. I am not humble before my God as I should be, but I am asking for You to carry me to that place so that I may find from You a straight and right way for all who are involved in this great work set before us.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Being Offended

Read: Ezra 8
“I [Ezra] gathered them together at the river that runs to Ahava, and there we encamped three days. I reviewed the people and the priests, and found no Levites.” Ezra 8:15

Examine:
There were many things weighing on Ezra’s mind as he assembled the people and prepared for the journey back to Jerusalem. He would have felt a lot of pressure to get moving and start the journey. But Ezra had the foresight to pause, take a breath and get first things first. He assessed their spiritual preparations and found they were lacking.

Apply:
There comes a time in my life when, like Ezra, I need to pause and recognize where the things of God stand in my life. I can do some good and decent things on my own but I can do nothing holy without God. If the things of God (holiness, faithfulness, & worship) are out of sorts in me then my plans will be frustrated, the results will be short, and the rewards will be limited.

Pray:
I am carrying an unhealthy type of anger. I sense it in me strongly right now. I have been offended by some people in my life and I have allowed those wrongs to fester inside of me. To be offended is just as sinful as it is to be offensive. These things occupy my thoughts continually and I rehearse the things I want to say to them in my mind often. My anger burns inside of me. The thought of letting this go without speaking my mind on the matter makes my stomach feel poisoned. I know that there is an anger that is holy, but this inside of me is not. There is no love in it and the root of the offense has nothing to do with what is being robbed from You. It is all about me. I confess my anger to You as sin, and I cry out to You for help. I do not know how to repent of this. I have tried many times to release this, but the memories of the past still linger and my current encounters with these people result only in more offense. As circumstances would have it there is no place I can go on earth to escape this situation. My only hope is You changing my heart.

Holy Spirit, all things are possible to You. You empowered Jesus to withstand the cross and pray forgiveness for those who nailed Him there. I need that same strength today. I am allowing the sin of others to create sin in me and I desperately desire to stop it. I am asking for the humility and strength of love needed to endure this without sinning.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Modeling for my Kids

Read: Ezra 8
“THESE ARE the heads of their fathers’ houses and this is the genealogy of those who went up with me from Babylonia in the reign of King Artaxerxes…” Ezra 8:1

Examine:
One of the most critical things for a man of God is to lead his family. The men listed in this chapter did just that. They got up and risked everything to lead their families in pursuing God’s plan.

Apply:
Nothing in my life is more important that the God-journey I lead for my family. As my kids get older they will make their judgment regarding the reality God largely on what they saw of Him in my life. I cannot control the choices they will make in this process, but I can affect the amount of evidence they will have to step over if they choose to walk away from God.

Pray:
I want my kids to see in me a flawed man in passionate pursuit of a loving God. I want them to see a man who could sin and yet still be used by God. I want them to see a man who desired more than anything to be holy, yet never based his holiness on performance nor allowed imperfections to slow him down. My goal in life is not to portray an image of false religion to them nor is it to beat them down with a standard they can never attain. I want them to know the secrets of my heart, the depths of my failures, and the pain of my struggles. I want them to know Your hand on my life in a manner they serves Your purpose in theirs. I ask for the passion, humility, and wisdom I need to speak straight truth in their lives and I ask that they not have to look far to see that truth lived out in me.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Voice of Conviction

Read: Ezra 7 “Blessed be the Lord, the God of our fathers [said Ezra], Who put such a thing as this into the king’s heart, to beautify the house of the Lord in Jerusalem, and who has extended His mercy and steadfast love to me before the king, his counselors, and all the king’s mighty officers. I was strengthened and encouraged, for the hand of the Lord my God was upon me, and I gathered together outstanding men of Israel to go with me to Jerusalem.” Ezra 7:27-28 Examine: Ezra praised the Lord for what was being done under him. By calling Yahweh, the God of our fathers, he noted that God had put all of this into the king’s heart. Ezra also noted that the privileges granted by Artaxerxes were for God’s glory, not Ezra’s. Apply: If Ezra were sitting across the table from me today I think he would offer me three pieces of advice: Be holy, be faithful, and be a worshiper. Everything needed in my life is found by standing holy before my God, being faithful in the tasks given to me, and offering continual worship to my Father in heaven. Pray: I hear the voice of conviction in my heart this morning. My holiness rests on the grace of Jesus and I know that nothing can make me unclean. That said, the grace of Christ is not an allowance to sin freely. I have opened the door for sin in my life and I have become carnal in some areas. There are desires I am nursing that I should not be holding close to me. I confess these to You this morning, accept Your forgiveness for them, and step forward today in anticipation of You filling the void in my heart left by them with a greater measure of love for You. I also recognize that I have allowed my fatigue to open the door for a little laziness to slip in and that is dangerous. Your word teaches that just a little folding of the hands opens the door for poverty to seize me. I need to dial back in on the task at hand and finish strong. I pray for the time, energy, and resources I need to be faithful with what You desire of me today. Lastly, as I examine my heart with this word from Ezra I see my lack of worship. Worship is a sign of absolute faith, complete submission, and total gratitude. It flows freely from a heart that is surrendered fully to You. My worship is hindered because I lack faith, resist submission, and practice ingratitude. Holy Spirit, thank You. I have felt something uneasy in my spirit for the past couple of days and it is so amazing to get this all out in the open. I need You so desperately. Guide me. More than anything I desire for my heart to be transformed and my mind to be renewed by the truth You have spoken today. I appreciate Your discipline and joyfully accept Your correction. Today is a new day. Strengthen me to hold fast to You.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Things I don’t See in Me

Read: Ezra 7 “This Ezra went up from Babylon. He was a skilled scribe in the five books of Moses, which the Lord, the God of Israel, had given. And the king granted him all he asked, for the hand of the Lord his God was upon him.” Ezra 7:6 Examine: Ezra had a heart for God. He devoted his life to learning God’s ways, applying them to his own life, and sharing that knowledge with others. Because of his devotion, God’s favor was upon him. Ezra worked at developing his skills, but his skills were not the key to his success. The favor of God caused the favor of a king to be poured out on him. Apply: Pursuing God’s heart will always be manifested in a hunger to learn His word, the discipline of applying it to my life, and the desire to share my experience of Him with others. The intensity of God’s favor poured out on my life is a multiple of the intensity with which I pursue His heart. Pray: I have been thinking on this for a while and the thing that I see in my own life is a pattern of failing to operate in these three things simultaneously. In different seasons I seem to desire these things individually, but I recognize that I do not see these three things working in concert with each other. You teach me in Your word that all that is required of me is to lay down my life and follow after You. I take the fruit that my life is currently producing and lay it aside as not being worthy of Your presence inside of me. The voice I hear inside of me this morning is not giving me specific steps to take. Your still small whisper is just asking me to acknowledge that all is not right. I freely admit that. Holy Spirit I submit to Your leadership. Create inside of me an intense hunger for learning the ways of God’s heart. Help me to find an unrelenting drive to see God’s ways overtake my own. Break my heart for the absence of You in the lives of others.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Seeing the Success

Read: Ezra 6
“And the elders of the Jews built and prospered through the prophesying of Haggai the prophet and Zechariah son of Iddo. They finished their building as commanded by the God of Israel and by decree of Cyrus and Darius and Artaxerxes king of Persia.” Ezra 6:14

Examine:
God decreed this work to be completed but the journey was far from simple. The rebuilding of the temple required alignment and endurance. The entire body of God-ordained leadership (spiritual, governmental, tactical, and practical) came together to complete this task. Priests served along side governors who served along side prophets who served along side laborers and together they led the people of Israel through the twists and turns that ultimately resulted in the temple being finished.

Apply:
This journey I am on is only beginning. I need to keep good records and stay alert to the things going on around me. The twists and turns will come. Sleepless nights will follow unthinkable setbacks. There will be highs, lows and everything in between. The end will depend not on my talents, intellect, or strong will. Seeing the success of this work will weigh on me staying submitted to God and having the humility to allow the vision He has given others to shape the work that lays ahead.

Pray:
Until You lead in another direction I must keep chasing the last thing You set before me. Nothing has released me from Your work in Sweetwaters and the burning in my heart to see Your body of believers in the U.S. re-engage the mission of Christ. Those two things keep me up at night and consume my energies. If You were to appear to me in bodily form and offer me anything in the world I would ask for the wisdom and resources needed to accomplish those two tasks. I believe they are my temple-building tasks and have given my life to pursue them.

I do not want this to be my task alone. I believe there are others who have been called to join in this incredible task, but right now I feel really alone and I am becoming a little confused. Father, is it time for the resources to catch up to the vision? There are people needed and funding will be demanded soon. I do not doubt Your provision but there is uncertainty in my soul regarding timing. Uncertainty makes me hesitant and no one follows a hesitant leader. I pray that You give me the vision I need to be certain today. Help me walk in the path that You have ordained for me.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Death of My Jesus

Read: Zechariah 13
“Awake, O sword, against My Shepherd, and against the man, My Associate,”
declares the Lord of hosts. “Strike the Shepherd that the sheep may be scattered;
And I will turn My hand against the little ones.” Zechariah 13:7

Examine:
If a person wants to call on the name of God and hear him answer, that person will have to walk in opposition of popular teaching and endure personal refinement.

Apply:
I create my own version of Jesus that fits in my mental box and makes sense to me. When God decides to take me deeper, the first step is always the death of what I thought it meant to be like Christ. This is painful because I am often guilty of deifying false beliefs that have been taught to me. Many times this will require me to walk away from tradition and popular teaching.

After God has killed my false Jesus, He begins the process of removing what is caustic in me. This season of purification by fire is intense and does in fact feel cruel, but God lovingly does this to make me more like Jesus. He knows my limits and will only subject me to what I can handle. I have to keep my focus on Him and allow Him to transform me into something stronger.

Pray:
Father, as I look back on this past season of my life I can see this process so clearly. Outside of absolute unwavering truth about You, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit almost nothing of what I once believed about Christianity stands today. I took human teaching and made false idols that supported my way of living. It has been painful, but by Your grace I have endured to this point and now see following after Christ through an entirely new lens. I also look back at who I was 20 months ago when we started this journey and I hardly recognize the mental pictures I have of that man. Throughout many painful days and sleepless nights, You broke me down to a place that allowed You to start building me back up in Christ.

I am so thankful for what You have done. I am also scared to death. In a few days I will have to stand firm and fight to not be sucked back into my old normal. In a few short days I will also have to learn to trust You in ways that will be unfamiliar to me. I am relying on You to be faithful because You promise to complete what You started. I do not know where this journey ends but I want You to know I am so grateful for the road that led me to where I am. You are faithful, You are gracious, You are loving, You are strong and the price of my life feels like a pitiful offering for all of You I have experienced. I love You and remain faithfully committed to finishing this race and keeping my eyes set on the ultimate prize.

Friday, September 2, 2011

A Familiar Arrow

Read: Zechariah 11
“Thus declares the Lord who stretches out the heavens, lays the foundation of the earth, and forms the spirit of man within him, behold…” Zechariah 11:1-2

Examine:
There are times when the world feels like it is spinning wildly out of control. God can seem distant and the pain of life hit close to the heart. In the midst of very real circumstances and a seemingly unreal God, the scriptures continually testify to His greatness.

Apply:
Today God lays before me blessings and curses. I can choose to believe in my circumstances. When I do that God takes a back seat, my emotions are given the front seat, I become my own god, and life is resigned to being a series of random events with no purpose.

The other option is to believe in the sovereign God of the heavens, the redemption given in Christ, and the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit. When I make that choice randomness is replaced by purpose, weakness is supported with strength, and uncertainty is crushed by peace.

Pray:
I awaken today with an arrow piercing my heart. It is a very familiar arrow. I have seen it split my armor and find the tender places of my flesh many times before. It never fails to knock me flat on the ground and the pain of it affects every aspect of my life. Our enemy has learned to fire this arrow with great precision and he has once again proven his accuracy. As I sit and stare at this arrow, I am aware of something. I am not as angry at the enemy for shooting it as I am upset at You for allowing it. If I strip away the religious jargon and just talk straight with You, I am rife with anger towards You because of this.

I am confessing this to You today as sin. Nothing should ever cause me to turn on You, but I am often guilty of doing just that. When I don’t get my way or when suffering comes, I flail around with a woe-is-me attitude towards You and life. Instead of standing firm like the noble warrior You created me to be, I run for the hills like a whining coward. It is really a funny picture when I think about it…

So let’s move on from this place together. Regardless of what my emotions say I choose to rest in You. I take the contents of my life, place them at Your feet, and trust that where I am is under the rule of Your sovereignty. I choose blessings this morning and will hold my head up today because I am anointed to carry Your good news.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

A Stupid Shepherd

Read: Zechariah 11
“GOD then said, “Dress up like a stupid shepherd. I’m going to install just such a shepherd in this land—a shepherd indifferent to victims, who ignores the lost, abandons the injured, and disdains decent citizens. He’ll only be in it for what he can get out of it, using and abusing any and all.” Zechariah 11:15-16

Examine:
Scripture earnestly stresses the serious responsibility of human leaders to those who follow them. In these verses God outlines a few traits that belong to a stupid shepherd: He is indifferent towards those he misleads, he ignores the lost, he abandons the hurting, and he fails to feed the strong. A bad shepherd cares only for himself.

Apply:
The Jesus in me is called and commanded to be a shepherd to His people. No matter how far I run or how frustrated I get with the task, I am called to be a shepherd to His people. This is never not my job; I am always on duty. The only question is, “Am I a good shepherd or a stupid one?”

Pray:
Holy Spirit, help me empty me of me. The force of self-perseverance inside of me is stronger than my willingness to lay down my life for others. Break my heart for the people in my life and do not allow my pride to refuse acknowledging my failures in leadership. I must not be indifferent to those I let down.

I also ask that You make me acutely aware of a person’s standing with God. I do not want to ignore the lost. Help me engage in Your mission of calling people to the Father through Jesus.

I pray that You not allow me to miss out on caring for the hurting. As people come and go around me today, I pray that You give me insight into their pain and allow me to speak words of healing.

I must also ask that You help me sustain the strong. It is easy to sit back and become jealous of or feel threatened by those who are on fire for You. Instead of coveting their gift, I pray that I become a vessel of blessing and encouragement to them.

I want to be a good shepherd today. Starting in my home and extending to the community around me, help me walk after the Perfect Shepherd who walked this earth as a man and now sits beside the Father in His resurrected glory.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Like Great Wine

Read: Zechariah 10
“For I am the Lord their God and I will answer them. “Ephraim will be like a mighty man, and their heart will be glad as if from wine; indeed, their children will see it and be glad, their heart will rejoice in the Lord.” Zechariah 10: 6-7

Examine:
There are three strong promises in this verse: God will be a personal and responding God, His people will be mighty and glad, and their children will see His work and rejoice in it.

Apply:
When I still held a corporate job we would take a group of clients to Canada every year to fish for northern pike. It was a trip that I looked forward to every year and is one of those things from my former life I look back on and miss. Something in my heart would come to life as I cut across those mountain lakes and my soul seemed to find wind as I would put my back into a big pike. That trip was always a time when I felt alive and my problems would seem so small.

I am thinking of that trip this morning and comparing it to my relationship with God. I hear God calling me to a relationship with Him that is more real. He wants what I experience of Him to set my heart ablaze in such a way that my trips to Canada will pale in comparison. He can take my time with Him and make me feel so alive in Him that my problems will seem small and my zeal for Him will be celebrated like great wine.

Pray:
As I read this morning I am reminded that You, Jesus, did not come to cancel the laws and promises in the Old Testament; You came to fulfill them. You said that EVERYTHING that was Yours would be mine if I gave my life to You. Your teaching leads me to a place of understanding that all the promises of God our Father our “yes” to me through a right relationship with You.

I am imperfect and I sin everyday. I confess that to You boldly because my right standing does not depend on my performance anymore. My entire hope rests on Your promise that all my sins have been perpetually covered and that I am irrevocable made right with God our Father through Your perfect standing with Him.

I call on You today Holy Spirit. You were sent to lead me, empower me, and disciple me. I worship our Father God from a distance and experience His power largely through the stories of others. I recognize that this is settling for less than the best He has for my life and surrender to Your leadership today. I want to stand in the very presence of God and worship Him as the perfect Father He is. I want to know His presence greater than I know the presence of my earthly father and I want to hear His voice daily. I also want to see His power first hand in my life. I read about miracles and I have even experienced them; but I do not walk around this earth as a mighty man of faith and my heart does not resound in continual praise. You are calling me to more today and I am giving You my yes.

Tread or Be Treaded

Read: Zechariah 10
“5 “They will be as mighty men, treading down the enemy in the mire of the streets in battle; and they will fight, for the LORD will be with them; and the riders on horses will be put to shame.”” Zechariah 10:5

Examine:
The imagery in this verse is strong. A child of God, on mission with God, and fighting with the strength and power of God is a force to be reckoned with. The only thing that can slow down advancement is taking my eyes off of the plan of God.

Apply:
Tread or be treaded. In the end, my life will boil down to those two choices. I can do what God asks of me and live an amazing life of sacrifice, adventure, and victory. I can wake up every day, put my choices in His hand, and let my life ripple throughout eternity. Or, I can live for myself. If I choose to live for myself, I exchange the power of God for my own. I trade the rewards of eternity for temporary defilement. If I choose to live for myself, I will be the one being tread down in the mire of the streets.

Pray:
Yesterday was a reminder of exactly what happens when I take my eyes off of You. I looked at my circumstances, the impossible odds, the striking disappointments, and the long road ahead. I put the weight of the battle and the key to victory on my shoulders, and I fell down hard yesterday. But today is a new day.

Satan, I have heard your voice, listened to your lies and suffered under your power long enough. The time that has passed has been enough for you to mess with me. I resist you today not by my power but by the Name that is above all other names. Flee from me and from my household. Release your grip and slither back into the dark places you like to hide.

Holy Spirit, come this morning and tend to my wounds. Strengthen me with power, guide me with vision, and fuel me with passion. Let my joy resound in You today. I believe that You have led me to this place and I accept by faith that I will tread upon all that has been set before me.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Know the Season

Read: Zechariah 10
“10 Pray to God for rain—it’s time for the spring rain— to God, the rainmaker,” Zechariah 10:1

Examine:
God’s people can look in many directions for the resources they need, but He desires us to pray to Him for everything that is needed.

Apply:
It is often times easy for me to trust God for things I can’t do on my own and it is also logical for me to turn to God when I have no other options. But that is not what God desires of me. He does not want to sit on the sidelines, waiting patiently for me to get into a jam and then yell for Him to get involved. God wants to be intimately involved in the daily necessities of my life.

Pray:
Father, I have to know the season. When I look at this verse I realize that there are times when rain is needed and times when it is not. The rain that comes when the ground is being tilled serves only to destroy the preparations and hinder the planting of seeds. I realize that there are many times I ask for You to rain down blessings when I should instead pray that You hold them back until the soil is ready.

Life is all about season. The end of a season is drawing near for me now. I can see clearly the mess I would have made of things had You given to me all that I desired of You. I prayed for much more than was handed to me and You were gracious enough to say no to me. Thanks for looking out for me.

Now that this season is coming to a close I can see the time of spring coming. I am asking that You make ready the rains, but help me hold fast until the preparations are complete. I need so much wisdom. I am overwhelmed by the choices I must make and pray that You forgive my anxious thoughts. I hear Your voice clearly this morning and settle back into my child-like faith in You.

Holy Spirit, You are my Helper and my Teacher. Let’s walk the road we are own together. I sense Your presence this morning and turn my ears towards Your voice. You are my connection to everything that God desires to say to me and it is His words, and only His words, that represent life for me. Help my hands be strong, my heart be soft, my words we love, and my spirit be bold. Fill my soul with life and allow that life to flow freely to others.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Two Types of Praise

Read: Zechariah 9
“9 Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion! Shout in triumph, O daughter of Jerusalem! Behold, your king is coming to you…” Zechariah 9:9

Examine:
There are two types of praise on my mind. One form comes after something good has happened. It is an easy form of praise because it only requires gratitude. The second form of praise comes before something good happens. It is difficult because it demands vision, necessitates faith, and counters logic.

Apply:
Praise should never leave my lips and it should always be looking forward. Praise that comes after success is short-lived, but praise that precedes something promised can be savored for a long time. Praise that comes after the dust has settled is accompanied by a small reward, but the God of the heavens blesses praise that is offered up in complete faith. My eyes should be continually searching the horizon, my feet should be constantly running towards the battle, and my lips should be incessant in the offering up of praise.

Pray:
If nothing else is given to me today, the promise of Zechariah 9:9 has already been given. I have You Jesus and You are more than enough. But my sense is that You want me to offer up praise for three other things today. First, I am grateful that my former prosperity will be returned to me. All that has been lost in this pursuit of You has not really been lost. You see and bless those who freely give to follow after You. I have held nothing back from You and I praise You today because I know that You will not hold back anything from me either. Thank You.

I also praise You today because You have made me a bow and mighty sword. The enemies work in this place is awful. Many see it and run, but by Your grace I have found myself thrust into battle here. I praise You for Your victory here. You have bent me as a strong bow and will soon fire me out like a strong arrow. I rest in Your hand today as a strong sword and will soon be used to cut down the evil that rules this place. Thank You.

Above all of this I praise You today because I have been made whole, my sins have been redeemed, and my adoption as a full-heir son has been sealed. I am completely Yours and You are completely mine. You are my defender, my strength and my blessing. Nothing compares to knowing You God as a Father, knowing You Jesus as Savior, and knowing You Holy Spirit as the Helper. Thank You.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Let's Go!

Read: Zechariah 8
“9 Thus says the Lord of hosts: Let your hands be strong and hardened, you who in these days hear these words from the mouths of the prophets who on the day that the foundation of the house of the Lord of hosts was laid foretold that the temple should be rebuilt.” Zechariah 8:9

Examine:
Before this new Word from God came to the people all previous attempts at rebuilding had failed. They worked their fields but the crops would not grow. They saved their money but circumstances stole it away. They stepped out in faith only to watch their enemies triumph. This word from God called them to step towards things that had failed in the past, trusting in the new things that God was saying to them.

Apply:
Three things that I see for me this morning: past experience, a new word, and strong hands. It is important to know that a new word from God will likely call me back into a negative past experience. I see this in the life of Moses, Abraham, Peter, and many others. Failure seems to serve as the training ground for God’s movements in my life. Past experiences are not irrelevant to my life today. There are rich lessons to be learned from them and I must be a good historian of them. A new word from God is hard to accept because many times it calls me toward wounds from my past. That is where the strong hands come in. I need to know my past, but I mustn’t be controlled by it or try to predict God by it. When God speaks I have to muster up my faith as it will demand strong hands to put this word to work.

Pray:
There are currently three “words” I have from You that are proving difficult. I believe that You have called me to be a voice and vessel of blessing for the work here in South Africa, I believe that You are asking me to put more emphasis on sharing Your gospel of grace, and I believe that You are stirring within me a stronger desire to minister into the lives of others through the Holy Spirit, prayer, and the scriptures.

I am afraid. There is so much emotion stirring inside of me and most of it speaks to my past experiences of failing in following after You. I don’t doubt You as much as I doubt my ability to hear You clearly. But here is where I am right now. As much as I doubt myself, I trust in You. Your Word says that You will never let me stumble as long as my ways are submitted to Yours. There is nothing on my heart right now that serves me. As a matter of fact all of it costs me greatly. Because of this I trust that my ways are in fact aligned with Yours. So, let’s go! I am not holding anything back from You. I want You to have the fullness of my obedience today, the total focus of my heart, and the complete attention of my resources. Use me as You will.

Am I Jealous?

Read: Zechariah 8
“2 “Thus says the LORD of hosts, ‘I am exceedingly jealous for Zion, yes, with great wrath I am jealous for her.’ Zechariah 8:2

Examine:
He is jealous for me; exceedingly jealous with great wrath. His anger burns when I give myself to others and His wrath is fueled when others threaten me.

Apply:
Am I jealous for God? There are two definitions of jealous that should be apparent in my relationship with Him. To be jealous for God would mean I am fiercely protective or vigilant for what is mine in Him. This includes His promises, His commands, and His will for me. Being jealous for God also means that something in me demands faithfulness and exclusive worship. I should be irate when God’s faithfulness is not evident in my life. I should be up in arms when my worship of Him is void of His Spirit. There should be such passion in my heart to be near to Him and experience His presence that I fall apart when I don’t have it. Am I jealous for God? Not nearly enough…

Pray:
I would not allow my wife to give her love to another. I would be shattered to my core if one of my children called out to another man as being their Dad. I would not allow weeks to pass without being intimate with my wife and I would not allow days to go by without a hug or loving contact with my kids. I would fly of the handle and demand something be changed. I am jealous for them; exceedingly jealous. My actions prove this.

In comparison to my relationship with You I settle for far too little and that is what is stirring on my heart today. My love for You, my intimacy with You, and my experience of You has to become the center piece of my life. My greatest passion, my strongest intention, and my most faithful endurance has to be expanding my love for You.

I recognize Your faithfulness this morning and step towards that. I do not know how to be a better lover of You but I am so willing to learn. Teach me Father. Open my eyes to see the things that keep me running from You. I pray that I love You first and above all other things. I pray that I love others more than myself. I want to center my life on the power of Christ and take that power into the world around me. Take me as You will today Father.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Hearing From God

Read: Zechariah 8
“And THE word of the Lord of hosts came to me, saying…” Zechariah 8:1

Examine:
Zechariah heard from God. He knew the voice of His Father and his ministry was built on the words spoken to him by God.

Apply:
There is nothing in my life more important than hearing from God. Of all the time I spend and things I seek my first priority in life must be hearing from God. This sounds simple and seems intuitive but it is not. Hearing from God is not just a right or a privilege; it is a work. I have to allow the Spirit of God to prepare my heart and bring it into alignment; I have to allow my desires to shift from worldly pursuits and center on being directed by God; and I have to adjust the rhythm of my life to spend time sitting with God in silence.

Pray:
It is always good to hear Your voice in my life. Over four years ago, I followed Your prompting and changed the way I journal and seek You in my quiet time. I have been amazed at how You have spoken into my life, changed my heart, and opened up Your word to me. Hardly a day passes that I do not find Your voice shaping my heart and changing my nature. It has been amazing and for the first time in my life I truly awaken with an expectancy of hearing You speak.

I sense the winds of change blowing again in how I meet with You. I devote the first hour of my day to hearing You speak to me about me, but I do not allocate time to pray with You about the direction I need to take with my day. I have replaced Your voice with task lists, plans, and meetings. What this has done is leave me feeling vulnerable because my plans are riddled with uncertainty. I ask You to speak into my life in a new way Father.

Holy Spirit, You are the forgotten God in my life. You were sent as a guide, to instruct, to lead, and to empower. I do not spend time with You. I do not labor in prayer to meet with You. You alone have the power to bring the words of the Father to light. You alone have been given authority in my life to be the personal conduit to the voice of God. I neglect You and I resist You. I have allowed theological debates to confuse me about the simple truth that Jesus promised You as the ultimate helper and said You would come. I acknowledge that You are here with me now and express to You my neediness for You to move in my life.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Good Boy God

Read: Zechariah 7
“3 speaking to the priests who belong to the house of the Lord of hosts, and to the prophets, saying, “Shall I weep in the fifth month and abstain, as I have done these many years?” Zechariah 7:3

Examine:
For 70 years Israel had been led by its priest to hold 2 fasts per year. They fasted over losing Jerusalem and being in captivity. Now that their captivity was over and Jerusalem was being returned, they legitimately wondered should they keep fasting.

Apply:
The moment my eyes passed over this verse and the words resounded in my ears I heard the Holy Spirit whisper His desire for me to sit here for a while. When I am in desperate need or hot water I seek God hard. I pray, I fast, and I begin purging my life of things I should not have. My schedule gets adjusted to allow for time alone with God, I open up to others and request their prayers, and I seek God’s wisdom like it was a treasure. Then, God responds, the need dissipates and the hot water cools. As the pressure subsides so does my intensity to pursue God.

Holding on to God in hard times is easy because it is a necessity. I have nothing else to which I can cling and all my options are limited. Maintaining a vibrant pursuit of God during easy times is a much different story. Pursuing God comes at the cost of my will, desires, and independence. A passionate pursuit of God will redefine my normal and press me further into dependence on Him. That is easy when my normal stinks and I just want it gone. It is an entirely different set of circumstances when my normal is enjoyable…

Pray:
Paul said whether he had a lot or whether he had a little he had learned to live in contentment. His circumstances in life did not matter to him because he had taken his eyes off of them and placed them on pursuing Your heavenly agenda for his life. He had learned that even the best that this life has to offer is temporary and short-lived. Enough is never enough and no reward here is safe. He abandoned his life and his soul motivation for life on earth became to hear You say well done.

Complete honesty, I think my main motivation in life is to say to You well done. I want You to make my life like I want it so that I can then look at You and say, “Good boy God. You did this right.” That is just twisted, but it is also plain and simple truth. My pursuit of You is based on my earthly comfort. I agree with that whisper I heard this morning. Living life this way is miserable. My emotions fly all over the place and my security is not based on Your never changing nature; it ebbs and flows with the tides of life. I use You for my purposes and put You aside when it is convenient. That is a terrible way to treat anyone and I repent for my immaturity and selfishness. Thank You for Your grace and patience and Your sense of humor with me. I give You this day and move forward hoping to make it pleasing to You.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Turning Expectantly

Read: Zechariah 7
“5 Speak to all the people of the land and to the priests, saying, When you fasted and mourned in the fifth and seventh months, even those seventy years you were in exile, was it for Me that you fasted, for Me? 6 And when you ate and when you drank, did you not eat for yourselves and drink for yourselves?” Zechariah 7:5-6

Examine:
God honors truth, not ritual. He honors heart, not action. He honors self-sacrifice, not self-advancement.

Apply:
My life is full of religious activity but that does not mean my heart is turned towards God. If I want to know if my heart is in the activity then I have to look at verse 10; “And oppress not the widow or the fatherless, the temporary resident or the poor, and let none of you devise or imagine or think evil against his brother in your heart.”

When my pursuit of God is genuine I can expect to see my heart be cleared of unholy anger towards others and my motives will bend towards helping those who cannot help themselves.

Pray:
My heart is turned towards those who can’t be a voice for themselves. The past couple days I have toyed with the notion that maybe I should just return to a “normal” life but I can’t imagine turning my back on the relationships You have sent me. For better or worse I have offered my life to the vision You have given me. I also notice most of the religious activity in my life is turning from ritual and selfishness to a desire to be close to You. I see these signs of growth and I am grateful for them.

There are also two things heavy on my heart today that I would like to lay before You. First, my prayers are really jacked up. When I start to pray half of me doesn’t believe the prayers will work and the other half feels like something is missing. When I pray for others to experience You I don’t feel this way. It is just in my private, practical prayers that I feel like I am ravaged by awkwardness and doubt.

I am also strapped today by anger that burns in my heart. There are two particular individuals I struggle with the most but I am honestly aware that my anger burns often and my temper has become very quick. I can’t for the life of me land on what is holy and what is unholy in this. I am mostly just frustrated and I think that leaves me walking around with a short handle.

With both of these things I have exhausted my efforts to correct them. I lay them before you today, asking for wisdom and turning my heart to You expectantly.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Love God First

Read: Zechariah 6
“And it will take place if you completely obey the LORD your God.” Zechariah 6:15

Examine:
It would take a lot to complete the temple of the LORD. There were a thousand different things that had to happen perfectly for this monumental task to be successfully completed. But the success of this task did not hinge on plans, provisions, or connections. Success completely rested in obeying God.

Apply:
We took a get away this weekend to Durban and security is a little different here than it is in Pietermaritzburg. There is an armed guard standing 20 yards from my backdoor. Before I went to bed last night I locked all the doors (including the safety cage that protects the bedrooms) and set the alarm system. Based on where we are these measures are unfortunate, but prudent. As I think about this, I am taken aback by how little I regard protecting my family spiritually. I am the gateway to my home. I am the spiritual filter through which all things enter. I have a tendency to forget that. Time passes and I drop my guard. I slip up, nothing bad seems to happen, and I take that to mean my sin had no consequence. Upon making that choice I adjust my lifestyle so that my new normal inches closer to the sin line; sad but true…

Why is that? I sit with anger that I know is not righteous. I long for things that are not mine. I resent God for messing with my normal and stop pursuing Him when it becomes inconvenient. My experience of God goes flat and so I withdraw. Days can pass and not find me ever really hearing God speak. All of this happens and yet I never fall on my face out of reverence for God, fear of consequences, or brokenness over my sin. If following after God is so important to my life then should I not give it my greatest intention, my strongest ambition, and my clearest focus?

Pray:
To completely obey You means that I love You first with all that is within me, love everyone I come in contact with more than myself, center my life on the power and mission of Christ, and then go radiate Him to as much of the world as possible. Based on my knowledge of what You taught us Jesus those are the commands given.

To love You first means to model Your integrity and character and as perfectly as possible. I seem to want to do that as little as required. Loving others first means that I should never be offended or see my needs as first priority. I seem to be easily offended and fight for my needs first. Centering my life on Christ means dying to myself and taking Him into the world demands losing my normal. All I want seems to be insurance from hell and as normal a life as possible.

I love having this conversation with You. Hebrews tells me to not despise You when You correct because the marrow of life is found in it. If You are bringing it to mind then it is because You have decided it is time to eradicate it. I want You to have my first love. I want to never again be offended. I want the power of the Holy Spirit to fully indwell my soul and then I desire nothing more than to see that power explode on the world I call home. I turn my eyes to You this morning knowing in faith this will be done.

Take Me Where You Are

Read: Zechariah 6
“12 “Then say to him, ‘Thus says the Lord of hosts, “Behold, a man whose name is Branch, for He will branch out from where He is; and He will build the temple of the Lord.” Zechariah 6:12

Examine:
Zechariah was told to tell Zerubbabel that even though he was called to work hard at completing the task that was laid before him; he should not allow the tangible work to distract him from the fact that the true builder of the temple was Christ.

Apply:
It is easy for me to lose sight of Christ. It is easy for me to forget that this is His life that I now live. It is easy for me to not remember that it is no longer me who lives but Christ in me.

Pray:
There are three things that steal my focus from You Jesus. The first are my fleshly desires. There is a force inside of me that only wants to serve me. I want what I want when I want it so that I can feel something that satisfies my cravings. These desires are so clever that they often feel right and even can be mistaken to be spiritual. These are the first and primary culprits that take my eyes away from You.

The second are the tasks. As soon as I have something to do I have a tendency to put my head down and get busy. The moment I gain clarity about what I should do I often lose my desperation to seek after You. The tasks become my focus, I become their god, and You get put in the back seat.

The third is the delay. My attention span is not that great. As time passes it becomes increasingly difficult to stay focused on You. There are several passages of scripture that speak to this and I can relate to all of them. Time is the enemy of obedience. The longer it stretches out the more difficult it becomes to stay disciplined.

Jesus, I cannot walk this path that I am on with the current level of intimacy I have with You. The task that has been handed, the time that it will take to complete it, and the amount of self-denial demanded are simply greater than the power of Your Spirit that I have awareness of. I know that You are greater than all and that the power inside of me is capable of anything but I keep falling down and getting my nose bloodied and my tail kicked.

I turn to You this morning. I refuse to accept that I have experienced all there is to experience of You. I cannot in the slightest believe that the fullness of Your glory and the strength of Your power are being manifested in my life. I need You to rise to Your throne in my life and resonate in my soul in such a way that the pain and circumstances of life are placed in their proper perspectives. My eyes are on me and for that I both apologize and repent. I turn toward You this morning accepting in faith that You will meet me where I am and take me where You are.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Circumstances Get Hard

Read: Zechariah 4
“9 “The hands of Zerubbabel have laid the foundation of this house, and his hands will finish it. Then you will know that the Lord of hosts has sent me to you.” Zechariah 4:9

Examine:
There is always a time when it feels unlikely that God will do what He says. There is a season of labor that often feels unproductive and unlikely. During dark times and seasons of fruitless labor God calls His chosen to look past their pain and emotions and cling to the truth of what has been spoken.

Apply:
There are a lot of passages in the Bible that speak to taking courage, enduring challenges, fighting fear, and holding firm. There would be absolutelutly no reason whatsoever for God to put those words in the Bible unless He knew with certainty that the circumstances of my life would get hard. Courage is the ability to confront fear, pain, danger, uncertainty, or intimidation. Physical courage is courage in the face of physical pain, hardship, death, or threat of death. Moral courage is the ability to act rightly in the face of popular opposition, shame, scandal, or discouragement. Mission courage is the ability to hold fast to the promises of God even though all logical wisdom says it is time to abandon ship. Completing what has been started is God’s promise and His responsibility. Being a man of physical, moral, and mission courage is my part of the deal. He is faithful, but I must endure to the finish.

Pray:
Your wisdom led me to this place. As I trace back over my journey here I cannot find a single time that this mission fed my flesh. There was never a time I wanted any of this for myself. From the beginning it has been about Your purposes for my life and seeing the glory of Your name radiate in the homes of the orphans, widows and poor living in Sweetwaters. The vision You gave me came at a time when everything in me said it was time to quit. Every time I have acknowledged defeat and confessed that I felt I missed You, You have countered with a word that told me to push those thoughts aside and keep my fist clasped tight to wheel and hold my course. From where I am, as best as I could I have held on in the midst of a storm that has tested me unlike anything I have ever encountered.

So, today I stand firm. The storm has intensified against my prayers for calmness. The need has grown in the face of my prayers for Your power to overcome them. The resources have heard me claim Your provision and still they have shrunk. So, today I take courage and hold fast. You have promised me countless times that You have called me here to do what You laid on my heart to do and I will see it through. I call on Your power to give me the physical, moral, and mission courage I need. I call on the stirring of You, Holy Spirit, to give me the faith of the cross so that I may not grow weary. Above all Father, I confess that I am grateful to You for this task. I do not resent it. I do not feel like it has cost me anything. I thank You for the glorious privilege that it has been.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Mountain Talk

Read: Zechariah 4
“7 ‘What are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you will become a plain; and he will bring forth the top stone with shouts of “Grace, grace to it!” ’ “ Zechariah 4:7

Examine:
One of the great affirmations as to whether a work is of God are the odds against success.

Apply:
I love the question, “What are you, O great mountain?’ This question puts the mountain in its place. It does this not by down-playing the size of the mountain for the question refers to its greatness. The mountain is put into its proper perspective by comparing it to God. The greatness of God allows me to look at anything that would hinder His work and say, “What are you compared to my God?”

Pray:
Talking to mountains is not the easiest thing to do. As I sat yesterday and the weight of the need here became even more evident it was tempting to be overwhelmed by the size of the task and the road ahead of me. I have never in all of my life seen a task as impossible as the one I face today.

At the same time, I have never been more certain of Your will for my life. I know beyond any shadow of doubt that You have called me here. You went above and beyond in affirming that. I also know with certainty that You have called me here to resource and support the local saints who are laboring in Your fields here. So, I am able to stand firm today. I am able to say to the mountain before me, “You will become a smooth plain!”

Father God, You are before me and nothing can come against me. Your Word says that I shall live by faith and that You take no pleasure in me if I shrink back. I spoke boldly for You yesterday. In the midst of wisdom that said I should shrink back I pushed forward and raised the stakes. If You do not stir and move, proving your call on my life; then I am toast. My words do not matter. The only thing that counts is Your power proving Your plan.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Stronger Prayers

Read: Zechariah 4
“ 6 Then he said to me, “This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel saying, ‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ says the LORD of hosts.” Zechariah 4:6

Examine:
The greatest asset in completing a task from God is the Spirit of God.

Apply:
I get 16 hours a day that I am actively engaged in something. I spend the first hour of each day in the Word asking God to adjust my heart. I normally spend the next 90 minutes of my day getting the kids to wherever they are headed for the day. Work comes in as the kids go out and takes 8-10 hours of my day. The balance of my time is taken up by eating, spending time with my wife, and trying to find some down time. This is a typical day. Saturdays are days to catch up on yard work and carve out some “me” time. Sunday’s are church days and down time. That is the rhythm of my life; normally.

Over the past couple months my routines have been completely demolished. In moments like these I am allowed to see things through a lens that colors my life differently. As this has happened the assumptions upon which I base my life have been challenged. I say God is first, yet he only gets about 8-10 hours a week. If I really believe that being centered on God is the most important factor in determining a successful life then I am a fool if that is all the time I give Him.

Pray:
I need to walk in power of Your Spirit. I need to spend time with You in conversation that is deep, real and tangible. I need to know Your character, know Your voice, and know Your power. I need to see those things manifested in my life daily. I do not rely on them because they really do not exist in my life in a moment-by-moment way. At best I hope those three things are leading me and at worst I turn to them when I get in a bind I can’t handle.

There are three things I sense that You are saying are hindering my prayer life. First, my prayer life will never be stronger than my relationship with my wife. Second, my prayer life will never be greater than the amount of faith I use. Lastly, You will never respond to prayers that are harmful to Your plans.

I submit to what You are saying today. I understand there is much to learn and I ask that You guide me. The first thing You laid before me is my relationship with Brandy so I ask that the power of Your Spirit lead me today in being a better husband, that Your Spirit lead Brandy in being a better wife, and that Your Spirit lead us both in being better followers of You.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Clean Garments

Read: Zechariah 3
“1 Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the LORD, and Satan standing at his right hand to accuse him.” Zechariah 3:1

Examine:
In the verses that follow this one the scene plays out like a courtroom drama. Joshua, who represented God’s people, stood clothed in filthy garments and was being accused by Satan. Jesus stands up and rebukes satan. He did not argue with satan about the guilt of God’s people. He did not pretend the garments clothing Joshua were not that bad. He called on the graciousness of the LORD and then the most amazing thing happened; the LORD gave Joshua new garments.

Apply:
There are two main thoughts for me from this passage. First, my freedom is not found in justifying my behavior. I have to hate my sin and recognize even the smallest of slips as being worthy of death. This is not to add to my guilt; the only way to appreciate my redemption in Christ is to hold the weight of my guilt. My freedom is in Christ; not my arguments.

Second my garments are clean. I am not just a sinner saved by grace. I am a man with no history of failure. It has all been done away with and there is never a voice of accusation that can stand against me. The sins of my past, the sins of my present and the sins of my future were all taken away the instant I surrendered my life to Christ.

Pray:
I have an accuser and I have an advocate. Both of these voices are real and both voices are active in my life. I have to choose which one I want to believe. Today I choose to press through what I know to be my failures and accept what You have said to be true. I am clean. My garments cannot ever be stained again. My accuser has been silenced and my faith has been sealed. I am forever Yours. I pray that the freedom given to me will become my greatest treasure, my loudest song, and the possession I share the most.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Not That Clear

Read: Zechariah 2
“5 For I, says the Lord, will be to her a wall of fire round about, and I will be the glory in the midst of her.” Zechariah 2:5

Examine:
As the Israelites continued with rebuilding the temple, the city, and its walls God did not want them to put their faith in the things they were building for Him. He wanted them to know that it was He who protected them and gave them glory. He did not tell them to stop building the walls or abandon the temple; He just directed them to not put their confidence in them.

Apply:
There is a bottle of concentrated mango juice in my fridge. The bottle says it tastes best when you mix 1 part of juice with 3 parts of water. My taste buds serve as an immediate proving ground that either affirms or rejects my job of mixing the juice. Faith and works are not that clear.

God calls me to labor and He calls me to faith. He commands prudent planning and He also considers my best plans worthless. He demands that I submit all things to Him in prayer and then He also expects me to work like an ant in getting it done. Jesus invites me to put aside my yoke and take His. He beckons that I take up His cross and follow Him daily. He will be the wall around me and the glory within me, but I have to carry His yoke and cross.

Pray:
I feel the force of frustration rising up from within me as I start to pray. Father, I am confused. There are lines that have become confused and I am unsure of what to do. My flesh is constantly attacked by our enemy and his best tactic is to create confusion. He has done a really good job of waging a battle against the line between faith and work.

I need to better communicate with You. In order to do that I must cut down on my busyness and carve out undivided time to spend with You. I fill up my days with tasks, meetings, and family duty. The moment I get a break, I run toward entertainment. You get the first hour of my day but that is the only solid time I spend with You. Everything else is crammed in the margin. I will buy a journal today and agree to spending regular time with You just as I would my wife and kids. I will put it on my calendar so that I do not forget but will also remain open to the times You decide to surprise me with a visit.

Father, Jesus, and Holy Spirit; I long to be close to You. You are not philosophies to learn, rules to follow or myths to chase. You are a real tangible being and You desire for me to know You in real and tangible ways. I submit to that today. I desire to walk in constant awareness of You today.

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I Don't Trust

Read: Zechariah 1
“12 Then the Angel of the Lord said, O Lord of hosts, how long will You not have mercy and lovingkindness for Jerusalem and the cities of Judah, against which You have had indignation these seventy years? 13 And the Lord answered the angel who talked with me with gracious and comforting words.” Zechariah 1:12-13

Examine:
The intercession of the Angel of the LORD in this verse is unusual, for this divine Messenger is usually seen representing God to people rather than functioning in an intercessory role representing people to God.

Apply:
As I read this verse there are a couple of things that really jump out at me. I have a tendency to forget that God disciplines me. He is not mean and He is not a bully, but as a loving perfect Father He disciplines me when I am consistently wrong with my choices. When the pain of circumstances arise, I have to know that regardless of who or what is bringing them the will of my Father is to use it for my good. He is sovereign over my life and as long as I stay submitted to Him He will use the pain to strengthen me.

I am also reminded that I am called to act on behalf of the LORD, not defend myself. I hear those words echoing deep in my heart this morning. I must learn to trust God to take care of the things affecting me personally. He has given angels charge over me. He has given Jesus to advocate for me. I have to rest and trust in this truth. Whenever I take charge of defending myself I prolong the discipline in my life and lose the blessing that comes from God Himself restoring what has been lost.

Pray:
I really do not trust You. I could spend some time weighing my words more carefully and could repackage that in a statement that sounds way less blunt but the truth would become hidden. I do not trust You. I am afraid that if I do not take care of myself people will consume me and You will do nothing to stop them.

I also do not care about Your Kingdom as much as I care about mine. My anger burns far more often over people offending me than it does them resisting You. My heart is broken over my own pain far more often than it is broken over the pain You feel. You have asked that I pour out my life to see Your Kingdom come to earth. You have asked that I storm the strongholds of this earth to see them torn down for You. I cannot do that as long as I am focused on advancing my petty little kingdom on earth.

I pray today that my trust in You be firm and that my deepest rest and peace would be in knowing that You are my defender and provider. I also ask that my deepest longing and only passion be seeing Your kingdom come.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

What Do You Desire of Me?

Read: Zechariah 1
“9 Then said I, O my lord, what are these? And the angel who talked with me said, I will show you what these are.” Zechariah 1:9

Examine:
God is a God of new beginnings and fresh works. There are times and places when every believer is faced with something they do not understand. Zechariah had the courage to walk with angels, but he also had the humility to ask about what he did not understand.

Apply:
All questions are good, but not all are holy. All questions addressed to God will receive a response but not all responses are good. God is holy and His character demands my respect. There are a couple of things on my heart about Zechariah’s question that I feel I need to learn. The Spirit, not his emotions, led him to this place. Emotional questions are always loaded questions. When I ask them, I am really not looking for information; I am making an accusation. Questions toward God that carry this tone anger Him. Questions that are led by the Spirit will always confront something in my character that needs changing by affirming something in God’s character I need to accept as truth. Zechariah was not asking for information or for novelty. He was on mission and he knew it. God was revealing something to him that would have to be carried to the world. Many times my questions start and end with my life. I want to know, but I do not want to share the knowledge I gain. I want peace, but I do not want to be used to bring the message of peace to others.

Pray:
Father, there is something deep stirring inside of me. I have felt it for some time now but I am afraid to ask You about it. Afraid is really not a good word. It is more like I dread this stirring because I know that it means my life will have to change and I will have to trade my dreams for Your dreams. It means I will have to take the control I falsely perceive to have over my life and give it to You. It means I will once again have to find another level of surrender to Your will for my life. I have tried to ignore this stirring and while I have not addressed it with You I have felt my worship of You begin to fade, my prayers to You start to fall flat, and my peace with You begin to slip.

I confess to You that I have been trying to run from Your movement in my heart and I clearly recognize that as being disobedient and sinful. I repent of my rebellion and say to You, my Lord, what are these things in my heart and what do You desire of me?