Thursday, February 28, 2008

Life Journal: This One Hurts

Scripture: "…but do not have love." 1 Corinthians 13:1

Observation: This chapter is like taking a sharp stick in the eye

Application: There is so much in this chapter. I really do not know where to begin. It seems like I assess where I am and what I need to work on almost daily. As I look at the first part of the book, I see a common list of improvements on which I set my sights. Communication. Vision. Counsel. Faith. Generosity. These are definitely areas that I seek to improve. These are areas in which I really enjoy to study. Then here comes the last part; without love it will profit me nothing. NOTHING. Not something. Not a little bit. But NOTHING. Why is it that love never seems to make my list of items to improve upon? Best place to start is by looking at what love does not do. It is not impatient, unkind, jealous, self-promoting, arrogant, unbecoming in behavior, provoked, begrudging, or failing. If I am totally honest with myself, I am all those things. My patience snaps. My words can sting. I want what someone else has. I will advance my own agenda. I often feel I don't deserve correction. My behavior is quite inappropriate at times. I can flip a switch and go off in a hurry. I hold onto offense. I let other people down. All these issues are rooted in one thing. Love. Of all the things that I pray for and seek, love is often not something that I dwell on yet look at its fruit. Everything that I desire to be as a person is provided by love. So, what should I be seeking?

Prayer: My heart breaks over my own sin and pride. I have not sought love. I have not desired this above all other gifts you give. This gift hurts. It requires me to lose every sense of self interest. I have to lay all my desires on the table and step away from them to pursue love and that is what makes this so hard. Of all the things that I have prayed in the past year, this one scares me the most and requires the most dependence on You. Help me clear the slate and remove all feelings of anger and resentment. Help restore my patience with those I have taken it away from. Guide me as I push past my own preferences and truly seek Your best for the lives of those you have placed around me; regardless of the cost to me. Prevent me from comparing and keeping track of what I have done for others verses what I have received. Remind me to be ever mindful of my behavior and teach me to pursue purity in all that I say. All that love commands, I have violated. Many times I do this subconsciously and fail to confess them as sin. I own this before you today. I have sinned against You and I lay that at Your feet. I am grateful for Your Grace and accept my forgiveness through what Christ did. Fill my heart with Your Love. Place it on the forefront of everything that I do.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Life Journal: Private Conversations with the Master

Scripture: "As soon as He was alone, His followers, along with the twelve, began asking Him about the parables." Mark 4:10

Observation: Christ spoke from a large platform. There were so many people around that He had to get in a boat and be pushed out from the shore to speak to everyone. The teaching obviously had an impact on those who heard, since they kept returning; but Christ was not fooled. He kept in mind that of the four scenarios He spoke of only one received the word. It would appear, that most of them did not get it in big group teaching. They got it by drawing close to the Teacher at the end of the message and asking Him in private.

Application: I fill my mind with noise. I am constantly reading, listening to sermons and working on Bible studies. There is nothing wrong with these things. In fact, they are good things. That said I can hear teaching all day long; it is my private time with Christ that real teaching takes place. I wonder sometimes why it is so hard for me to remember this? What is it about getting alone with God that is so difficult? Here as I read these stories I am fully reminded that the disciples got a word in the large setting, but they got the full meaning of the word in private conversation with the Master. In this day and time, how is it that we are to do this? As Christ was preparing to leave the earth He gave us a glimpse of this. He told His disciples that it was better for them that He leave, because if he left then the Helper would come. Man do I forget that verse. God did not leave me here to wonder about things. Inside of me rests the Spirit of the Almighty God I serve. He stands ready to teach me. To Counsel me. To prepare my heart so that the seeds planted will find deep soil in which to take root. That is the course of true discipleship. Sitting one-on-one with the one and only True God and simply having a conversation. What an amazing privilege. There are so many things that get in the way of this. Distractions are not very hard to find and often are easy to blame, but let's get real. If I really want to do something, I find a way. If I truly value something, I will move heaven and earth to get it. I will leave my normal day behind to play a round of golf or go hunting. The true reason I avoid private conversations with God? Fear. Laziness. Difficulty. Confusion. Ignorance. I am afraid that He will ask something of me that I will not be able to give. I do not want to work at it. It is hard to really get myself in a place that I can hear from God. It is confusing trying to understand what voice I am hearing. They all sound like me at times. I am completely unaware of just how much I need to be with God.

Prayer: I blame many things for me being the way that I am. At the end of the day, it is fear, laziness, difficulty, confusion and ignorance that keeps me from fellowshipping with you. I am tired of the birds, briars, and shallow soil robbing my life of the seed that you sow. I want my heart to be prepared. I want to sit in Your counsel. I pray that you move in my life to the point where I am inconvenienced by Your truth. I thirst for a deeper knowledge of You. I want my time alone with You to come alive and see Your mighty hand move as my wisdom and strength in you grow. Allow my heart to be broken for the people You have given me and grant that my private time alone with You be the place that I find the words of counsel I need to share with others. I love sitting under a great teacher, but I do not want anything to ever take the place of You showing up in the private setting of my house and filling my heart.

Life Journal: Choices and Gossip

Scripture: "Then Caleb quieted the people before Moses and said, "We should by all means go up and take possession of it, for we will surely overcome it." But the men who had gone up with him said, "We are not able to go up against the people for they are too strong for us." Numbers 13:30

Observation: As complicated as we make life out to be, it normally comes down to only two options. Right or wrong. God's way or man's way. It is up to us to decide which we chose. Life can come at me fast; better choose wisely.

Application: There can be, at times, a certain art to pulling current day application from old testament reading. This story, however, does not represent such a challenge of application. I have seen this story played out many times. This story paints a picture of two common situations and four common choices that I will face. The first situation is one where I am in a position of leadership and have the opportunity to speak in to something. That still small voice is speaking deep inside as I hear the voices of the people around me wage war over a topic. They are speaking against something that I know is not right. They are behaving in a manner that I know is not right. That still small voice is not getting any louder, but its pressure on me has my heart racing as beads of cold sweat begin forming on my back. I am faced with two choices. Do I respond to the voice or do I keep quiet? In the heat of the moment, it is almost always easier to just keep my mouth shut. I could be wrong. Maybe that's not God's voice and I am wrong. Maybe this. Maybe that. The arguments against speaking grow in strength with every second of silence that passes me by. If I hesitate long enough, and I often do, the weight of the words becomes too heavy for me to carry and I will go home having never broken my silence. In the darkness of night, as I try to sleep, that still small voice has turned in to tormenting gong. It reverberates throughout my entire body every time I replay the scene in my head. I see myself stepping up to the plate and striking out. I did not even swing I tell myself. Why did I not just speak? I hate that feeling. Two choices and I chose poorly. The second scenario is the one that follows the original meeting. The truth is supressed and people are exaggerating the circumstances until they have created full fledged lies. The ever present "They said's" arrive on scene and start their artful misinterpretation of the truth. They said this and they said that. Man, I have heard that more than I care to remember. In that moment, the still small voice returns. This time, it is alerting me to the fact that something is not just right. I was not there, I did not hear the original report, but I know that the attitude of the person talking to me is not right. I am once again faced with two choices. I can continue to spread the trash I am hearing by simply doing nothing or I can stand up to the gossip and fight it. The still small voice is there, but the choice is mine. In the heat of the moment it is so easy to agree with the person. I do this passively by saying nothing, or aggressively by joining them. Either way I am guilty of the same offense. Behind the back discord destroys relationships, organizations, religions and countries. I really must learn to attack these situations for what they are, spiritual battles with spiritual outcomes.

Prayer: Courage. Discernment. Wisdom. Patience. Love. Those are words that quite often are missing from gossip and dissention. I pray that these words represent the core of what people remember about me when I am dead and gone. I need constant reminders of the value of every word that I share or every word that I suppress. I desire more than anything to be a person of Caleb's character as he displays courage, discernment, wisdom, patience and love. I never wish to find myself working against you in anything. I never wish to find myself contributing to the works of Satan by not speaking out against lies, gossip and discord. I pray for your forgiveness for the messes I have created in the past and for your guidance as I dig deep for the strength to avoid repeating the mistakes of my past.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Life Journal: A line I should never cross

S: Then Moses said to Aaron, “It was what the Lord spoke saying, ‘By those who come near me I will be treated as holy, and before all the people I will be honored.’” So Aaron, therefore, kept silent.

O: Wow. What did they do? Just one chapter earlier they took part in a ceremony that saw the glory of God knock people on the ground and His fire come down from heaven as affirmation of His good pleasure with them. Now, that same fire came down and consumed two of Aaron’s sons. A few verses down in the story, we are given a hint of what made God so angry. What God tells Aaron in verse 8 leads me to believe that they were drunk. They crossed a line in front of all the people that no doubt would have lead to confusion. Regardless of their state of mind, we know that they were being unholy in front of the people. They crossed a line that would have led the people watching to do the same. God had to act.

A: There are a few things that stand out to me in this passage. First, I should never allow my actions to become casual with God. It is easy to become lulled into complacency by the repetition of my patterns of life. I approach God in prayer and study so often that it becomes really easy to forget that He is a Holy God and though I am to approach Him boldly with confidence, I had better make sure that I approach Him in a manner that honors His Holiness. Second, God does not take it lightly when we lead people astray. It has been said, when referring to the study of the Bible, that the most dangerous phrase in the world is “I believe.” It does not matter what I think the Bible says. All that matters is what the Bible actually does say. As I approach God’s word I need to empty myself of selfish motives and not allow myself to be deceived into receiving or delivering false teachings. The third thing that stands out to me is Moses response to Aaron. Moses did not act surprised or confused. I wonder at what point he and Aaron knew that they had missed it? I wonder if they suspected they were drunk? No doubt, they would have noticed they were not doing things correctly, but they did not say anything. They allowed it to continue until God had had enough and responded. I must learn to speak out when I see people I love performing acts that put them against God. It is so hard to do, but then again nothing is more painful than the feelings of regret that settle when I see a life destroyed. I also must learn to build relationships with people that will encourage them to speak to me when I get off track.

P: You are a Holy God. It is so easy to forget this. The gift of your Son tore down so much formality that I often approach you flippantly and without reverence. I confess this to you as sin and I pray for Your guidance as I seek to give You the honor You deserve. I need Your Spirit to be alive to me and for Your voice to be clear as I receive instruction from Your Word. I do not want to lead anyone to do anything that is not pleasing to You. Give me the courage to speak the truth you have given to me and surround me with people who will offer me the same. Above all, thank You for the Grace given to me through Your Son. As I sit here this morning, I do not fear my sin nor do I sit in guilt and it is all because I know of Your Grace.

Life Journal" Fill in the Blanks

S: “So Paul stood in the midst of the Areopagus and said…”

O: Paul had been in the city for some time. He had walked around and taken notice of the people and their ways. We are told earlier that his spirit was provoked by the idols that the people worshiped and that he had been teaching in the synagogue. Upon hearing his teaching, he was given an invitation to teach the people whose idols had stirred him so. As he stood up, there where many things he could say and many ways he could react. Paul demonstrated some restraint and went after their false idols by taking what he had observed and applying it to God’s word.

A: What would I say? If someone was writing about my life and they said “Jason stood in the midst of _____and said ____.” How would I fill in the blanks? Oh sure, it is easy for me to watch what goes on around me, formulate opinions and get upset at the behaviors of others. I can become quite cynical and judgmental to the actions of others. Often, I can picture what I would say and how I would say it. But then comes the moment of truth and I have the opportunity to speak about it. There are two typical reactions from me. I normally either clam up and say nothing or speak out of my flesh and say the wrong thing. Either way, I miss an opportunity to impact a life and someone misses an opportunity to hear the truth from God. I really admire Paul’s walk with God. He stayed in tune with what God was doing around him and joined Him in it. In the heat of the moment, he did not back down nor did he lash out. He worked through his internal turmoil and found a way to speak the truth in a manner that would be understandable to the people around him. He did not worry about hurting their feelings, he went right after their practices. The results were amazing. Some believed and gave their lives to Christ while the others remained open to hearing the truth again. I need to prepare myself for the moment when I stand up and have the opportunity to speak.

P: It is the blanks that scare me. I often worry over the words that will proceed from my mouth when I have the opportunity to speak. I can blow it. I have seen me do it many times. I need Your help. Open my eyes to observe the things that are going on around me. Allow me to be stirred in my Spirit when I see something that stirs you. Grant me the Wisdom I need to understand how to clearly articulate the message that you have for those You place in my life.

Life Journal: Secure living

Scripture: "…that you may live securely on the land. Then the land will yield its produce, so that you can eat your fill and live securely on it. Leviticus 25:17

Observation: The scripture leads us to live life according to God's way. God's way most always opposite of the common logic that leads the thinking of the world. The world tells me to take care of myself and look out for my best interest. But here God tells us the true secret to living securely on earth is to not wrong one another, but to fear him and follow his commands.

Application: My God is amazing. He cares about me. He cares about all man. In the midst of all that He has watch over, he cares about our feelings and our protection for being taken advantage of or wronged. What are the ways that I wrong others? I am not a cut-throat salesman nor am I a ruthless business man. I do not take financial advantage of people in the pursuit of money. My methods are much more subtle. I withhold the full truth. I forgo paying a complement when it is in my power to do so. I back down. I speak out in wrath. My sins against my brothers and sisters are so many. Self-preservation often steps in and takes over. I will sacrifice most anything in pursuit of protecting or advancing myself. It seems to just come naturally. But it is crazy. Keeping God's commands is the ticket. It is what I am called to do and the only pathway that will lead me to God's goodness. All other paths lead me to feel empty and create in me a sense of paranoia that drives me mad.

Prayer: From Psalms 25:4-6. My sins are ever before me Father. I approach you with boldness this evening not out of my lack of sin, but by my reliance on the Grace bestowed to me by Your Son Jesus Christ. None of those who wait for you will be ashamed. That is my desire tonight; to wait on you. Keep me from dealing treacherously with others without cause and allow me to proceed with adverse plans only when it is Your hand guiding me. Make me know Your ways. This is a request that I fully expect to come at great personal death, but it is my desire to truly know Your ways. Light my heart and soul with a deep longing and life altering thirst for a glimpse of Your Glorious ways. You are the God of my salvation and my only desire. It is for you that I wait. Mold me. Break me. Use me. May the tablets that hold the history of my life be filled with evidence of the goodness that comes to a man centered in Your will and righteous ways. Fill my house with the voices of those serving your name. Make my legacy one that endures to the last days of my life and carries on to through my lineage until Your return. May we be known as a family that serves the Most High God. Keep me from doing wrong to another. Defend me before the people and prove the power of Your Hand through me. Allow my plans to prosper and bring glory to You. Keep me from shame. Let me know fall aside.

Life Journal: The "they said's"

Scripture: "and they have been told about you, that you are teaching all the Jews who are among the Gentiles to forsake Moses, telling them not to circumcise their children nor to walk according to the customs."

Observation: They did not even have first had information. They took what was told to them by another person and instead of getting clarification or hearing from themselves, they reacted to the second hand information and were prepared to take the life of a man over it. A few verses later, they drag him out of the temple, beat him and are in the process of killing him over a false assumption. What a tragic example of overreactions to false information.

Application: I am an idiot. Seriously. I have seen it happen so many times that it is crazy to think that I would be susceptible to falling for it. Yet, so many times someone approaches me and says did you hear what so and so said. What is it about this type of conversation that makes it so hard to stay grounded. In all things, I need to take them first to God in prayer. He has the ability to calm my mind and speak to me wisdom. I need to seek his guidance in how I am to respond. The second thing that I need to do it go to the person something is said about and ask them for the truth. What is it that makes this part of the process so hard? It is the only logical step. There is no other place to go. After I have I have completed this, I need to return to my original source, clarify the truth and encourage them to no longer participate in the spreading of it, whether it is true or not.

Prayer: Forgive me for the times that I have participated in the destruction of another person by joining forces with the underground army of the "they said's" I am willing to bet no force on earth has created as much turmoil and pain as this group. There in nothing of You reflected in the backchannel communications. I pray for the strength to be a man of honest, openness, and directness. Even when it hurts. Teach me to be a peacemaker, to a troublemaker. Surround me with people that will seek clarity, not make assumptions about me.

Life Journal: True Comfort

Scripture: "For I did not shrink from declaring to you the whole purpose of God." Acts 20:27

Observation: Paul had learned a lot during his lifetime. He was a man that had pursued much. He had been Holy and served God with a pure heart. His religion transitioned to hypocrisy and brought him great wealth and title. He became a Zealot and a murderer; pursuing Christians and contributing to their demise. Then he encountered God and for the first time learned what it meant to be a broken man. Now he is a new creature and has found what true comfort is. True comfort is not just pursing God. It is not just finding salvation. It is not just studying the Bible and spending time in Prayer. True comfort moves well beyond all of these things. True comfort is a fruit that is produced out of our steadfast obedience to everything that God places on our hearts to do; regardless of the personal cost that accompanies it.

Application: I still remember the day. The words that came through the phone that night bring tears to my eyes even now as I reflect on them. "Randy killed himself" is what the voice on the phone said to me. I dropped to a sitting position on the bed, thanked the caller, hung up the phone and endured great personal torment as I reflected back over my encounter with Randy only three days prior to this call. I was at a point in my life that I was not walking close to God. It was my first year in the financial services industry and I was struggling to establish myself while Brandy and I were also wrestling with our first year of marriage. Instead of drawing close to God, I had simply drifted away and my relationship to God had fallen aside. I ran into the bank to make a deposit and saw an old friend from high school. Randy was sitting there on a bench and I stopped and spoke to him. My Spirit stirred and I felt the need to slow down and spend some time with him. It was so strong that it created an awkward moment. I had not felt my spirit stir in quite some time and I honestly did not know what to do with it. I was heading to an appointment and in quite a hurry so I pushed aside the feelings, told him goodbye and left. Not a day goes by that I do not reflect on that day. I know Randy's lifestyle and I am as certain of his destination as I am broken by my actions. What I would not give to return to that day, but I can not. My life went into a tailspin after this. I could not forgive myself nor could I understand how God could forgive me. I literally felt like I sent someone to hell. What type of friend or Christian does that? The sad thing is that I do not remember anything else I did the day I saw Randy other than that brief encounter at the bank I had with him. Everything other memory from that day has faded away. The money I made has long since been spent. Through that experience God has taught me much. I still at times struggle to speak every time God places something on my heart, but I am getting much stronger. I have learned that the only comfort there is in life and the only actions that really matter are those that result from me living out my obedience to God. That moment created inside of me a better man. That is the amazing thing about God. He takes the times that I am at my worst and molds them into the character He desires for me to have. All I have to do is be diligent to obey. I have finally come to realize that God's Grace covers all sin and that ultimately Randy's death and his eternity were not my responsibility. They were both his choices. I also know that what I did that day was sin, but that it was nailed to the cross the day I accepted Christ. Dwelling on that moment and not letting go of the guilt only separates me from God and increases the chances that I will miss another opportunity.

Prayer: Receiving your forgiveness is the greatest thing I can have in my life. That said, the ultimate comfort comes from following after everything you place on my heart and not shrinking back from difficult situations. I pray that you never allow me to forget the importance of slowing down in life and truly paying attention to the people that you have placed in my life. That is my reason for being and my I am where I am today. My pursuit of you has taken me to places that I never thought possible. I am so grateful that you never give up on me and still love me no matter what. I confess that the times I doubt my ability to share you with others as sin and rejoice in Your ever present Grace. I pray this day for the opportunity to join You in Your plans for the life of another of Your children. Guide me as I go. Get my attention when you need it. Fill me with Your Words as I obey. May all that I do bring glory to Your name. Allow Your comfort to be all that I seek.