Not Knowing

Today's Passage: John 12.

Scripture:
"Now My soul has become troubled ; and what shall I say, 'Father, save me from this hour'? But for this purpose I came to this hour. Father, glorify Your name. John 12:27-28

Observation:
Earlier in this chapter verses 12 - 19 describe Jesus' entry into Jerusalem. It was nothing short of spectacular. People lined the streets cheering and celebrating the arrival, not of Jesus, but of their perceptions around what Jesus was going to do for them. They were not thinking about the will of God but instead were focused on what they were going to get out of the deal.

Jesus on the other hand was focused on His mission. These words recorded by John follow the celebration given to Jesus upon His return to Jerusalem. This celebration was so over the top that even the enemies of Jesus admitted defeat. I know that he had to be tempted, but Jesus stayed the course. He knew what God desired and that was all he sought.

Application:
There are a few things that stick out to me in this passage. First, I must seek the will of my Father. Outside of knowing what God desires for my life, there is nothing to ground me. Nothing to put parameters around my thinking. I am totally open to anything as being a possible invitation from God. This leads to a lot of confusion.

Second, I need to pay attention to pain. I hate pain. As the first signs of a headache appear, I start popping pills to shut it down. I do the same in my spiritual life. As soon as I start to experience some type of discomfort in my life, I begin praying to God for it to go away. In this passage, Jesus models a different example. He walked towards his fear, pain and discomfort because He knew that was what God had for Him. It was His call. Not all assignments are fun or comfortable.

Finally, it is not about my will. Jesus did not care to save His life. He was ready to offer it up freely. He understood that His life was not about what He wanted; it was about what His Father desired.

Prayer:
I would have taken the throne. It shames me to say it, but the parade of people would have gotten me. As rode into town to the cheers of all the people, my mission would have shifted and I would have allowed the hoopla to carry me away.

That is the danger of not knowing Your will. So many times I approach You in prayer, thinking I know what needs to happen. Then, I just serve You the answer and ask that You bless it.

I recognize that as a problem and confess it to you as sin. I also ask for Your help. There is no way I can lay down my ambitions unless You replace them. There is no way I can live my life without my own goals, unless You give me Yours. And there is no way I can get to any close to walking in obedience unless You take over the quiet times of my life and speak to me in a real, tangible way.

My soul longs to sit with You and talk as one talks to a loved one. I desire for my times with You to be as intimate as any experience on earth. I am not satisfied to be where I am. I want to be closer to You and more grounded in Your will. Please take away the confusion and give me clear thoughts, replace my doubts with affirmation, and take my desire for comfort and redirect it towards a pursuit after Your will.