Refining My Heart

Read:

"The refining pot is for silver and the furnace for gold, but the LORD tests hearts." Proverbs 17:3

Examine:

Hearts of men are like gold and silver, but it is like gold and silver processed from ore. Gold found in ore has a great deal of dross mixed with it, and must be separated from it by the process of refining. During refining, the gold is melted down and materials are added to separate the pure gold from the impure metals. The furnace is not intended to hurt of the gold, but for its advantage. The heat and the process make it pure and usable.

Apply:

There is a lot about life I do not understand. The questions that I have are never ceasing and the more I learn the more I find I do not know. The mysteries of God are beyond what I can comprehend. In fact, these mysteries often close in around me and create inside of me seeds of doubt that weaken my faith and frustrate my feelings towards God. This is especially the case when it comes to the refining of my heart.

My heart contains gold and silver, but it also contains impurities. I see the impurities. I sense them. There are days when I am repulsed by the things think, the words I say, the temptations I fight, or the actions I take. The fire of trials is intense. There is nothing about the process that is easy. I know this. As much as I hate the impurities, I still resist the process of refining.

One of the most difficult forms of refining God uses on me is to lead me to a place of restlessness, tell me to wait on Him, and then go silent. It feels a lot like a parent leaving a child and telling him to not move until I come back. As God's presence disappears, I begin to wonder and the questions start. Where He has gone? Is He coming back? How long has it been because it feels like this is taking forever? We really need to get moving because I am afraid we might run out of time? Should I go and try to find Him or should I continue to just sit and wait? These questions seem so simple but add in the pressures of life and these moments of sit and wait feel like Chinese water torture.

Pray:

Father, the past few weeks have been excruciatingly slow for me. I would prefer that You just tell my heart what to be and get this over with in a instant as opposed to time it takes to refine me. I have been doubting Your timing and Your ability to lead me. My fear is that I am not good enough or smart enough to hear Your voice. I think that there is also this quiet fear hidden in the back of my heart that maybe You will not do what You say You will do.

I submit to Your work in and Your timing for my life. Actually, it is not my life; it is Yours. It is not my future; it is Yours. It is not my mission in life; it is Your purpose for this life. I am not mine anymore. Take this heart You have redeemed and refine it to be what You desire it to be.

I know that nothing in my life is designed to hurt me, but my flesh refuses to lose ground without a fight. I ask that You teach me to find joyful rest in this process. Replace my frustration with invigorating challenge. Remove my doubt and replace it with eager anticipation. Take my griping and fill my soul with anencouraging shout.