Good Keys for Relationships

Scripture:
"Being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on the same purpose." Philippians 2:2

Observation:
Marriage can be tough. Actually "can" is not a good word. Marriage IS tough. It takes a lot of work. As a couple it demands two people working in unison to preserve the sanctity of the union created by God. There are so many things that we can read on marriage. So many tips to adopt. So many tricks to try. But they all really seem to be mostly useless. Marriage is not a simple thing. It is very complex. The requirements of a healthy marriage vary from couple to couple. That is what makes books so ineffective. Each person is unique. Once joined with another unique individual, each couple creates yet another totally unique creation. In the verse above Paul is speaking to members of the Philippian Church; not a married couple. But as I read it, I see a few keys that I think are universal to all relationships and are especially applicable to marriage.

Application:
The first key is that we must strive to be of the same mind. This does not mean that we agree on everything, but it does mean that we have to be on the same page on important things. Parenting values, views on God, roles we serve in the family, morals, financial decisions, and other universal items such as these must be in alignment. Brandy and I should strive to lead together in these things. Almost everything else must be let go that we can focus our energy on the things that really matter. When we waste energy on bickering over trivial things; we do not have enough energy to work through the really impactful things.

The second key is that we must strive to maintain the same love. We must both be committed not only to loving each other, but loving each other in the same way. There have been many fights in my marriage that were caused as a result of Brandy or I not loving each other in a manner that was consistent with each other. For instance if Brandy is expressing love to me by tolerating my messy habits, it is going to incite a slightly scary reaction if I respond by not tolerating hers. Giving love to each other is like rowing oars on a boat. If we are rowing in different directions, we will just go in circles. It takes an equal commitment from both of us to love each other in a manner that is able to be received by the other.

The third key is that we must strive to be united in spirit. There is nothing more critical to a happy marriage than to mimic the spirit of Christ. In verse three Paul says "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves." What would my marriage be like if Brandy and I both placed this verse front and center of our lives? I have a feeling it would be really amazing. But it take both of us being united in that same spirit. If one does it and the other stays focused on their self, someone is going to feel cheated. We both must also be growing closer to God in spirit. As we grow closer to God, He will bring us closer together.

The fourth key is that we must be intent on the same purpose. We have to have the same end in mind. There is simply no other way. Everything we do has to be done with the intention of fulfilling the same purpose. This is true of everything from big purposes in life such as our purpose for living and even down to the smallest of things like why we are going to the store. So many fights are caused by simply not agreeing on the same end.

Prayer:
I want to be a better husband. Teach me to lead in a manner that honors Your name and reflects Your character. Of all the things I could seek in my marriage, I ask tonight that you lead me to understand how to create a marriage that is of one mind, one love, one spirit, and one purpose.