Shipwrecked Faith

Scripture:
"Which some have rejected and suffered shipwreck in regard to their faith." 1 Timothy 1:19

Observation:
In some of the previous verses Paul issues a warning against listening to what people say. He says that there are some out there who are spending their time and energy on fruitless discussions that do nothing to further God's plans. These arguments come in many different types. All things must be weighed and balanced with the scripture.

I remember at one point of my life I really bought into the "name it and claim it" teaching that is so very popular in today's church. It was very early in my career and I was full of hope, ambition and dreams. Brandy and I had to beg and borrow just to scrape together enough money to stay in moderate debt. Needless to say the prosperity gospel struck a chord deep inside of me and I swallowed the bait; hook, line and sinker. We were very early in a new business venture and things were tight. The bills had piled up and I was in charge of managing cash flow. After much prayer and thought, I decided to act on a message that I had heard from a televangelist in a $3,000 suit.

I went into the office early one day and had my assistant print checks for all the bills that were sitting in our accounts payable. I went to my office, closed the door, stood on top of my desk and began praying in the money to cover the bills. Originally, I planned on keeping the pile of checks until we had received the money to cover them. As I prayed scripture and reflected on the message I had heard, I became convicted that I was not acting on faith. So I sent the checks out. It was a big step of faith.

Once the mail had left the office, I stood on top of my desk, took the name of Jesus and claimed that everything was covered. I bound everything I could think of that would prevent money coming in. I claimed every promise from the Bible I could think of. At the end of the day, I went home pumped up. I had done it. I had taken a huge leap of faith. I had absolute confidence that everything was going to be great. It was a shining moment.

Five days later, I received a call. It was the bank. It was not good. My act of faith had gotten us overdrawn to the tune of $250,000. Oops. Fear and panic ran over me, but I was not ready to give in. Immediately I denounced Satan, stood back on my desk, and claimed that I was standing on the word of God. For good measure, I literally stood on top of my Bible this time. I ran to the post office to collect the "harvest" I had just prayed in. Half an hour later I returned to my desk. This time I crawled under it, assumed the fetal position, wet my pants, and prayed for the rapture. There has never been a worse moment in my career than when I had to explain to my leadership team what I had done. My faith and my company both lay shipwrecked in troubled waters. It was now another type of moment.

A great deal of time has passed since that ordeal and I now know that if you spend very much time listening to televangelists in shiny suits you will end up broke and confused. But more than that I have learned that the flesh is tricky. It is deceptive. It strikes a cord inside of me that can actually feel very holy. I am still susceptible to it even today. Scripture is not intended to profit me. It is intended to advance God's kingdom. Anything contrary to that is false faith and it will return void. I learned that the hard way. That said, I am still left wondering just exactly what am I supposed to do with my faith? How do I develop a faith that is firm? I think Paul offers some sound advice regarding this in 1 Timothy 1.

Application:
The first thing I should seek is love from a pure heart. The basis of everything that Jesus did while He was on earth was grounded in love. Love for the father. Love for the lost. Love for the hurting. The two greatest commandments in the scripture both pointed to love for God and love for my neighbors. As I look back over my life, most of my failures in faith were based more on something I wanted than were they pointed towards love for others. This is the starting point, the love of Christ expressed from a pure heart. Until I get this down, I will never be able to stand firm.

The second thing that I should seek is a good conscience. Where love establishes my motives, my choices determine the state of my conscience. I feel like the Holy Spirit speaks through my conscience. He leads me and guides me as I make decisions. There are many times that I do not take a stand. There are many times that I do not follow His direction. When I do that, my conscience bothers me. As the love of Christ develops in my heart, I must make choices that line up with how that love seeks to be expressed. I can always stand firm when I am in alignment with the direction of the Holy Spirit. Many times, I am trying to use my faith to get me out of a jam, not to lead me into a work.

The third thing I should seek is a sincere faith. This is where I feel like my greatest struggle is. My faith is not always sincere. Honestly, I am struggling just to grasp what it means to have sincere faith. I think many times my faith is hijacked by my emotions. My feelings around what I want act as a powerful force as they draw my focus away from God's will. God's desire for my life is for it to serve as evidence, not of His ability to prosper me, but of His ability to create something inside of me that is beautiful and compellingly different from anything that is in the world. In short, His goal for my faith is for me to be an adequate expression of His love for man.

Prayer:
I laugh at myself as I think back over all the times I have wrecked my faith by seeking things that I desire simply as a display of power or for my on comfort and convenience. You are not a genie in a bottle sent to serve my life's purpose, yet that is what I often try to use You for. I am here to serve You and Your purpose. I have missed that mark for most of my life. I pray today for love from a pure heart, choices that lead to a pure conscience and a sincere expression of faith. I want my life to be something of value and worth to the world around me. My heart aches for the world to know You. Help me learn to focus my time and energy on strengthening... not on seeking things that make sense to me... but on things that will introduce You into the lives of others.