I Want it Now

Scripture:
"The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the person who seeks Him. It is good that he waits silently for the salvation of the LORD." Lamentations 3:25-26

Observation:
We live in a society that is unlike any other in the history of the world. Everything is immediately available. From noodles to movies to information to account access; just about anything you want the moment you want it. And we have been taught to demand it. This verse strikes at the heart of one of our societies greatest failures, the ability to patiently endure self-sacrifice.

Application:
"You will have to wait." Just looking at those words on this screen incites inside of me an alarm like the drum beats of a warring tribe of natives. Very few things in life cause my temper to flair worse that waiting. It matters not what it is, I do not have the patience to wait. From red lights to people oblivious to the world of fast decisions; they all drive me nuts. I move fast, on purpose and with tenacity. That is my call. It is my gifting; my greatest asset. It is also the source of my greatest weakness.

Here is the problem with God, He is God and I am not. If I were to boil down most of my frustrations in life this would be their essence; God should serve me. My drive to fulfill the desires of my flesh fight to take the God of the universe and reduce Him to a "point and click" service designed to freely convenience my life. I wail out in agony anytime He delays on responding to a request.

Needless to say, this verse is destroying me on the inside. For whatever reason, the Holy Spirit is ripping me up on the inside as I fully come to know the devil that is inside of me. Who am I to question God? What manner of man would throw the fits that I throw over the things I throw them about? I'm a fool.

Prayer:
There is nothing I can say in defense of my actions. My guilt is obvious and its weight is bearing down on me. My patience is short. My temper is quick. My desire to have leaves me feeling like a small boy trying to restrain a horse with a piece of yarn. I'm lost as to where to go and what to do. I pray for Your mercy and Your enabling power to cover me. Thank You that You are a gracious God, slow to anger and full of mercy. Thank You for the redeeming work You did for me through Jesus' sacrifice. I am not happy with this area of my life. Patiently laboring in silence without reward brings out a side of me that quite honestly scares me. The man that I see when I am in a season of hardship, unnoticed labor or delayed gratification brings out a man in me that I can't control. I say and think things in those moments that astonish me. I have seen myself descend to a level I would have thought impossible. Let me bear this yoke now so that I may fully remove it when I am older. Protect me from my greatest adversary of all, me.