Doubts

Today's Reading: Genesis 19:15-16; Psalm 3; & Luke 7:1-35

Scripture:
"Summoning two of his disciples, John sent them to the Lord saying 'Are you the expected One, or do we look for someone else?'" Luke 7:19

Observation:
John the Baptist was the man. I mean, this cat was tough. He lived in the wilderness, ate locus, dressed funny and was just a wild man of God. I love him.

He clearly understood his role and purpose in living and spent his life fulfilling it. John was the first to testify as to who Jesus was. He baptized Him and saw the Spirit of God confirm the true identity of Jesus. He was absolute in his belief of this. In front of many witnesses, he proclaimed that Jesus was the Christ.

That is what has always been so strange about this passage. Here, he seeks confirmation of who Jesus is. John sat in prison and his life was approaching its end. As this occurred, he struggled with doubt. He did not deny it. He did not hide from it. He did not wonder what everyone would think if they saw him flip-flop. He dealt with his doubts and went straight to Jesus with them.

Application:
If John the Baptist was not immune from second guesses and doubts, why in the world would I not expect the same to be true of me? The world that I grew up in taught me that it was not good to question church or God. Doubting was bad. It was sinful to question God. The result of this in my life caused me to spend years suppressing things that did not make sense to me. I pretended to understand and this resulted in my faith being fake.

Passages like this one remind me that seasons of questioning and doubts are to be expected as part of the process of growing. If I push myself beyond what I know, it is only natural for me to find myself in situations that do not make sense to me and to wonder about the choices I made that got me there. In these moments, my reaction to these feelings is critical. I can deny and suppress them. I can get angry about them. I can say that I came up empty and return to my old life. Or; I can man up, get in the presence of my God, and work it out.

Prayer:
Your word says that perfect love casts out all fear. I am so very grateful that because of Your perfect love for me, I stand before You without any fear. I have the ability to come to You with anything.

My emotions are amazing. There are mornings that I awake to find my heart connected with You and our relationship to be more real than I have ever known it to be. I look in the mirror and say to myself this is going to be a great day. Then there are mornings I awake to find everything inside of me feels dead and Your presence seems to be a distant memory. I look in the mirror and wonder what is real.

Circumstances of life, the routine of my daily grind, the frustration of trials that refuse to leave, temptations that constantly return, the unfairness of life, the struggle of living by faith, and the incessant fight of good versus evil all rise up to war against my faith. I ask that in these moments You maintain control of my emotions and help me to deal with my doubts in a manner that honors You and builds up my faith. I ask that what Satan intends to tear me down result in You increasing my effectiveness.